In this flame-grilled episode, Embert loses his last nerve over the gentrification of the backyard cookout. Tofu, zucchini, beet juice, and Bluetooth grills? Not on his watch.

Inside the fire:

• A passionate plea for real meat and real propane

• Grandson’s leafy blunder

• Why the phrase “vegan brisket” makes Embert physically ill

• The emotional power of Aunt Marlene’s potato salad

• And a warning for anyone who dares bring a quinoa casserole to his house

If you believe barbecues are sacred and kale has no place near open flame, consider this your sermon.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert gets the grill started without an app.

Embert takes on the scourge of modern retail: the self-checkout lane. In a rant filled with beeping, bagging, and borderline nervous breakdowns, he lays bare the absurdity of stores turning customers into unpaid interns.

Highlights include:

• The disappearance of Brenda, Queen of Aisle 6

• A war with the bagging area robot

• Grandson’s misguided faith in “efficiency”

• An angry debate over sweet potatoes vs. yams

• And a haunting question: Do I work here now?

If you’ve ever muttered “I just wanted toothpaste” while waiting for an override, this one’s your therapy session—with Embert as your deeply irritated life coach.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert’s done fighting with the frozen peas scanner.

Embert’s had enough of “modern” church. In this reverently ranty episode, he lays into lattes in the sanctuary, praise bands with stage names, and sermons that sound like TED Talks.

Topics include:

• Church services that look like Coachella

• Grandson’s living room church “experience”

• The loss of silence, suits, and solemnity

• And why Embert still believes in hymnals, hard benches, and a good potluck

If you’ve ever wondered what happened to the sacred, the still, and the sound of a real choir, Embert’s got a sermon of his own—and it doesn’t come with neon lighting.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes wrestling with the church coffee machine.