Interlude: Identity, Ego & the Mom Who’s Tired of Running on Autopilot

This special Interlude episode of Gracefully Unraveled takes a deeper look at identity, ego, and the invisible pressures modern mothers carry. Kelli breaks down these big ideas using a blend of psychology (Freud’s id/ego/superego), spiritual teaching (Ram Dass), and relatable humor.If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, disconnected, or like you’re living life on autopilot, this episode helps you understand why—and how to reconnect with your truest self.Perfect for listeners interested in motherhood, personal growth, self-discovery, mental health, and spiritual development.Follow for new episodes every other week and bonus reflections in between.And, for more weekly inspiration, you can follow @GracefullyUnraveledPodcast on social media:🔗Facebook🔗Instagram<>"There we were, women in our thirties. Educated, married, mothers, women who have careers, who manage homes and oversee companies. And there we were, utterly resigned to lives that feel overly busy and pressurized, disconnected and exhausted." — Shauna Niequist, Present Over PerfectWelcome to this week’s episode of Gracefully Unraveled — and our very first Interlude. This series within the podcast is something a little different. Less story, more soul school. These are episodes where I pause our usual rhythm to dive deeper into the big ideas and concepts that inspire the regular episodes. And today, we'll be exploring the often-misunderstood words — identity and ego.These words are foundational to this podcast and how we navigate our experiences with motherhood. And while the teachings I share today won’t be exhaustive, my hope is to bring a variety of voices over time — offering both spiritual and psychological insights — so we can begin to trace the common threads of wisdom that stretch across science and tradition, helping us make sense of our own becoming.So let’s slow down and get curious — not just about the definitions, but about the deeper implications of how we see ourselves, and how we live.How many of you can relate to that quote from Shauna Niequist's book, Present Over Perfect? One day you wake up to find yourself crouched, balancing on one heel on top of a box (anyone else seen that TikTok challenge?), but in this version, you're holding a baby with your left arm, and typing on a laptop with your right — wondering, How the hell did I arrive here?We all have an unconscious mind that operates on autopilot. Sometimes it's helpful — like warning us to run from a bear. Or... wait, are you supposed to run from a bear? Or only certain bears?Nevermind, in the context of Niequist’s quote, we — especially as women — often find ourselves impulsively chasing ideals, meeting social norms, or even pushing back against them, only to pause one weekend and realize we don’t remember when or how we signed up for all of this. And while gazing out the window, coffee in hand, we think to ourselves, Why do I still feel so disconnected? And, what I am disconnected from anyway?Let’s begin with Sigmund Freud — the founder of psychoanalysis and a foundational figure in the world of psychology. Freud believed that the human psyche was composed of three core elements: the id, the ego, and the superego.The id represents primal urges and instincts. It operates on the pleasure principle, demanding immediate gratification. At the start of life, he noted that id is the dominant force — impulsive and entirely unconscious — focused on seeking pleasure and avoiding pain--the driving energy beneath all our behavior. The superego is the internalization of societal, cultural, and parental values. It imposes guilt, ideals, and moral standards. And over time ego emerges to temper the instinctual needs of the id with the high expectations of the superego, all while navigating the demands of the external world.Freud once compared this dynamic to a horse and rider. The id is the horse — powerful, instinctual, wild. The ego is the rider — trying to steer the horse without getting thrown off. Freud saw identity as emerging from this tension — not something static, but rather something shaped and reshaped by inner forces and social interaction.But for many — including myself — this psychological map lacked depth. It left me thinking, okay, but where's the rest? And that's where spiritual teachers like Ram Dass step in to expand the terrain.Dass, once a Harvard psychologist himself, defined identity and ego as structures of mind that organize the universe around the illusion of separateness. The ego acts as a steering mechanism for a separate self, much like Freud’s “rider.” But where Freud emphasized managing impulses, Dass encouraged a conscious disidentification from the ego. He equated the ego with intellect — the head — and pointed to the heart as the seat of intuitive wisdom and unconditional love.The tension between head and heart, according to Dass, is where spiritual evolution occurs. We don’t destroy the ...