Episodios

  • ”Griftin’” (parody based off the Clarence Carter song, ”Strokin’”)
    Jul 13 2023

    "Griftin'" (to the tune of Clarence Carter's "Strokin'")

    When he’s not grabbing butts

    And mute, judging stuff

    He be griftin’

    Morning, noon, insurrection

    He be griftin’

    He grifts from the living

    And then he grifts from the dead

    He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next

    He be griftin’

    He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’

    How much money are you willing to give him?

    Would you buy a quarter for a quarter-mill?

    Would you give up your farm for a lifetime of Swiss cheese?

    He’s ‘bout to sell you this

    “Trade your cows for a gallon of milk”

    He’s ‘bout to sell you this

    “Give me 15 million and I’ll stop windmill cancer”

    He ‘members when his mistress was diagnosed with windmill cancer

    He started a GoFundMe; laughed; and said, “April Fool’s, y’all”

    He’s griftin’, yeah, he always does, he be griftin’

    He grifts from the living

    And then he grifts from the dead

    He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next

    He be griftin’

    He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’

    Would you believe anything he tells ya?

    That a knife was a sandwich?

    Jesus was a white man?

    A robe was a puppy?

    Or how about that he and his wife are all cute and innocent?

    ‘Member, no puppy is full of that much sh*t

    He spews it every which way

    Yeah, he’s griftin’

    He be griftin’

    He grifts from the living

    And then he grifts from the dead

    He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t

    He be griftin’

    Now, when this guy starts dealin’, I mean stealin’

    He doesn’t care who in the hell he’s hurtin’

    Because a creepy smile appears when this happens

    Whenever that creepy smile appears, we do start dealin’

    We say, “Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas

    Clarence Thomas, f*ck you, Clarence Thomas”

    Other day: “Celebratin’ Christmas early!”

    “Gonna get me a grift box and grift certificate”

    Went to the store to screw people over

    He held a box with a blank certificate

    Said, “Hundredth donor gets the prize; you’ll be surprised as…” Woo!

    He be griftin’… Cloak and dagger

    He be griftin’

    He grifts from the living

    And then he grifts from the dead

    He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t

    He be griftin’

    He be griftin’… Cloak and dagger

    He be griftin’, oath

    He be griftin’

    And he grifts from the rich

    And he grifts from the poor

    He grifts from everyone

    He even grifts from his whores, ooh

    He be griftin’

    He be griftin’

    He be griftin’

    Books

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    5 m
  • MAGAts Here, MAGAts There, MAGAts Every-Flipping-Where
    Jun 22 2023

    In this episode I snarkily dissect my joyous experience interacting with Trumpers since joining Twitter Blue in recent weeks.

    Books

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    YouTube

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

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    9 m
  • Jack Smith vs. Jacka$$
    Jun 15 2023

    So you didn't have to, I read the 44-page Trump indictment. Here is my modest, hilarious, brilliant take on it all. Hey, as I've always said, "You can't spell 'awesome' nor 'modest' without 'ME.'"

    Books

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    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

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    23 m
  • ”Right the Right” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”See the Light”)
    May 6 2023

    “Right the Right”

    Been off course for a while

    Siri’s a woman

    So, they go in the opposite direction

    They don’t know where they are

    Or where they’re heading

    But would rather wreck than admit they were wrong

    Let’s control the wheel and right the right

    They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive

    Let’s control the wheel and right the right

    They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight

    Approaching a red sign

    Instead of stopping

    They shout “OCTAGON!”

    Sirens flashing

    Figure they’re for someone else, so they speed up

    Start firing guns, yelling “BLUE LIVES MATTER!”

    Let’s control the wheel and right the right

    They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive

    Let’s control the wheel and right the right

    They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight

    They’ve been off course too long

    Tank’s about empty

    Yet still believing thoughts and prayers will refill it

    So, they then close their eyes while behind the wheel

    ‘Cause apparently cars don’t drive cars; Jesus does

    Let’s control the wheel and right the right

    They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive

    Let’s control the wheel and right the right

    They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight

    Books

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    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

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    5 m
  • ”Orwellian Poetry” (A. ”Woke Insomnia” / B. ”Project Real”) (parody based off Green Day’s song ”American Eulogy” (A. ”Mass Hysteria” / B. ”Modern World”))
    May 6 2023

    “Orwellian Poetry” (A. “Woke Insomnia” / B. “Project Real”)

    [Part 1: Orwellian Poetry]

    It was the con of the century

    It read like Orwellian poetry

    Too blinded by their own hypocrisy

    To see the dystopian irony

    Their delusions quickly became quite clear

    The con “will set us free”

    [Part 2: Woke Insomnia]

    Insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    They’re wide awake and unable to sleep

    For days on end, they can no longer think

    Dwindled is perception of reality

    Woke, but not alert to their surroundings

    “Truth isn’t truth,” “Don’t believe what you see”

    “You’ll grow a third arm with the vaccines”

    “The lone cure for COVID is Febreze”

    This is what happens when Trump leads the GOP; they come down with

    Insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    ‘Nother day, ‘nother denial of truth

    Masked with the flag and other comfort food

    Empty-rhetoric symbols, no follow-through

    A lack of sleep, mentally weak

    “Doctors don’t know science”

    “It’s not guns; drag-shows cause gun violence”

    “Democracy will be saved if we destroy it”

    MGT, Cruz, Graham, Gaetz, Bobo, and Jordan have all contracted

    Insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    Woke insomnia

    Completely sober, yet their speech is slurred

    Can’t see straight; their vision’s blurred

    Trouble moving, they try to call Uber

    Awareness – an all-time low

    “The bottom is the top”

    “Fauci’s leader of the mob”

    “With the most votes, Biden lost”

    Will they ever sleep to wake up?

    [Part 3: Project Real]

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    When they said to lock “her” up, they actually meant “Trump”

    When Trump claimed that Biden interfered, he meant himself

    “You stole candy!,” as they munch on “free” M&Ms

    “O.J. killed his wife!” is just them saying “We did it!”

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Get ahead of the story and blame someone else

    But like a gymnast named Kama Sutra – you f*cked yourself

    They point their fingers with a mirror staring back

    A giant reflection of their guilt, about to crack

    Their string of good luck is getting ready to end

    As all of their allegations come right back to them

    You hate Kaepernick, yet you took a knee

    Gay men don’t hump sheep, but you f*cked one just last week

    You call blacks lazy when you don’t work at all

    The GOP tries to lie, yet projects the real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real

    Books

    https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO

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    https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

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    https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/

    YouTube

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

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    4 m
  • ”Slim-to-None Funds” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”21 Guns”)
    May 6 2023

    “Slim-to-None Funds”

    Do you know who they’re stealing from?

    Charities named after them

    The dollars keep rolling in

    Diverted to greens and bogey-men

    Claiming donations as grifts

    They’ve sunk lower than piles of sh*t

    The depths of Satan’s fiery pit?

    Lower than it

    None, slim-to-none funds

    Take from children

    Give to themselves

    None, slim-to-none funds

    They are the world’s biggest grassholes

    Pulling for hell

    Driving around in their gold carts

    Crashing before they even start

    As they blame Soros and RuPaul

    News breaks of their organization’s scam

    They don’t know irons from woods

    Yet stole from the kids for these goods

    Than the South Pole is cold, they’re

    Lower than it

    None, slim-to-none funds

    Take from children

    Give to themselves

    None, slim-to-none funds

    They are the world’s biggest grassholes

    Pulling for hell

    They’re always slicing to the right

    Their white balls they can never find

    “Mark us down for two,” they will say

    Flipping birdies to youngsters on the front and back nine

    Further than you could ever attempt

    Even the devil is impressed

    At a point where nothing can drop

    Lower than it

    None, slim-to-none funds

    Take from children

    Give to themselves

    None, slim-to-none funds

    They are the world’s biggest grassholes

    None, slim-to-none funds

    Take from children

    Give to themselves

    None, slim-to-none funds

    They are the world’s biggest grassholes

    Pulling for hell

    Books

    https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO

    Twitter

    https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki

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    https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

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    https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/

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    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

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    5 m
  • ”Erratic Days” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”The Static Age”)
    May 6 2023

    “Erratic Days”

    Playing Candy Crush at a quarter to two on Monday afternoon

    Before throwing Skittles about the room, shouting, “Where in the f*ck’s the blue?”

    Next saying, “I guess orange will do, and this purple sh*t too”

    All while watching cartoons he calls “news”

    Unpredictability on speed

    Yes, no, yes, maybe

    He’s up one minute, the next minute down

    He goes sideways and then diagonal

    The guy has had some erratic days

    He’ll sniff uncontrollably at a nationally-televised speech

    And then be unable to blow his nose for a couple to three weeks

    He’ll run a MAGAt marathon in his sleep

    And strain muscles when he breathes

    He only ever works in his dreams

    He’s a loose cannon awake or asleep

    Yes, no, yes, maybe

    He’s up one minute, the next minute down

    He goes sideways and then diagonal

    The guy has had some erratic days

    He’s up one minute, the next minute down

    He goes sideways and then diagonal

    The guy has had some erratic days

    He’s had some erratic days

    January through December

    For as long as The Jesus can remember

    Anger builds inside as he boasts loudly

    Hunger grows while he’s eating

    His mouth dirtier every time it’s cleaned

    Brain shrinks if he’s ever thinking

    Adderall seems to be working today

    Flying high as a kite (So f*cking high)

    Squinting like a drunk reading braille

    The teleprompter moving in his mind

    Yes, no, yes, maybe

    He’s up one minute, the next minute down

    He goes sideways and then diagonal

    The guy has had some erratic days

    He’s up one minute, the next minute down

    He goes sideways and then diagonal

    The guy has had some erratic days

    He’s up one minute, the next minute down

    He goes sideways and then diagonal

    The guy has had some erratic days

    He’s up one minute, the next minute down

    He goes sideways and then diagonal

    The guy has had some erratic days

    Erratic days

    Books

    https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO

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    4 m
  • ”You’re Accused and Betrayed” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”Horseshoes and Handgrenades”)
    May 6 2023

    “You’re Accused and Betrayed”

    Insurrection!

    He will bail you all out

    At least that’s what he says

    He has told thirty-thousand lies

    So, his promises aren’t worth a sh*t

    Y’all get flocked up; baa; and spout

    QAnon gibberish

    Attack police, what’s free

    Because you’re patriotic

    So, Donnie eats his Whoppers

    As you’re handcuffed and put away

    Guess it really sucks to be you

    You’re accused and betrayed

    He will watch as you go down

    Viking helmets and all

    His show isn’t going well

    Prepped for you to take the fall

    You are the clowns

    Go ahead, grab the flagpoles

    Hit democracy’s mouth

    In their graves, our Founders turn

    Witnessing nooses form

    Pence hangs around

    So, Donnie eats his Whoppers

    As you’re handcuffed and put away

    Guess it really sucks to be you

    You’re accused and betrayed

    Mass-deception, repetition

    Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation

    Mass-deception, repetition

    Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation

    Mass-deception, repetition

    Until your small brain faces bigly…

    He will bail you all out

    At least that’s what he says

    He’s a liar, dic[tator] complier

    Seemingly unable to pull out

    He will bail you all out

    L-O-C-K-E-M!

    L-O-C-K-E-M!

    L-O-C-K-E-M!

    L-O-C-K-E-M!

    Books

    https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO

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    3 m