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Before a loss happens, most people already hold a set of beliefs about what grief will look like. These are not myths absorbed from the culture in general — they are something more personal: internalised convictions, absorbed through upbringing, family, religion, and lived experience, that then shape how a person enters and moves through grief.

These are preconceptions. In Part 2 of this three-part series, Nathalie examines the ten most common preconceptions about grief and makes a precise distinction between preconceptions, grief myths, and presumptions that is crucial for understanding why each causes harm differently.

What's covered in this episode

• The definition of a preconception and how it differs from a grief myth and a presumption
• Why preconceptions are harder to challenge than myths, because they feel personal, not cultural
• How preconceptions relate to grief myths: myths are the cultural source; preconceptions are the individual's internalised version
• The 10 most common preconceptions, each examined through: where it originates and what it aims to achieve, how it harms, a relatable example, and a reframe

The 10 preconceptions covered

1. Grief follows predictable stages
2. Grief has a timeline
3. Not crying means not grieving
4. You must achieve "closure"
5. Grief is only about death
6. Staying strong protects others
7. Time heals all wounds
8. Grief is a private matter
9. Returning to normal functioning means you are healed
10. Trauma and grief are separate experiences

The distinction explained in this episode

A grief myth is a culturally shared false belief, something the culture transmits without adequate evidence. A preconception is personal: it is the individual's internalised version of that myth, often absorbed before they have any direct experience of loss.

Myths can be corrected with information. Preconceptions require something more: recognising that the belief exists, tracing where it came from, and examining whether it still holds in the face of actual experience.

A presumption (covered in Part 3) is different again: it is a real-time assumption made about someone else's grief, in the moment. Preconceptions are formed before. Presum

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HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
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What does it look like to live well with grief, not despite it, but through it? Lizzie Pickering has spent over 25 years finding out.

Since the death of her eldest son, Harry, Lizzie has become one of the UK's most experienced and sought-after voices on grief in life and in the workplace. She draws on more than two decades of direct experience: as a carer to Harry, as a long-term team member at Helen & Douglas House (the Oxford children's hospice where Harry died), and through her sustained work with bereaved parents, siblings, and professionals navigating loss.

If you're like me, you will love listening to Lizzie's voice, giving us an insight into her journey over the past 25 years.

​​Lizzie is a Grief Educator, Author and Film Producer
She offers Grief Guidance to organisations and individuals, educating people about grief and helping them get back to life and work following major losses. Her clients are both UK-based and global. Since the death of her eldest son, Harry, 25 years ago, Lizzie has become passionate about changing the landscape for people who have to face life and work when they are living with grief. Her firm belief is that if grief is faced and worked through gradually, if people are well supported, there is a rich seam of energy to be found from not only surviving it but living well. Lizzie’s book, When Grief Equals Love, Long-term Perspectives on Living with Loss, was published in May 2023 and is available from bookshops, Amazon and Audible.

• lizziepickering.com
• www.instagram.com/lizzie.pickering/

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💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

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• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
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• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
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  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

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Grief myths are everywhere. They show up in condolence cards, in workplace bereavement policies, in the advice given by well-meaning friends and family — and, often, inside the grieving person themselves. They feel like common sense. They are not.

In this episode — the first in a three-part series on the beliefs that distort the experience of grief — Nathalie unpacks eight of the most common grief myths: where they come from, why they persist, how they cause harm, and what a more accurate picture of grief actually looks like.

What's covered in this episode

• What a grief myth is — and how it differs from a preconception (covered in Part 2) and a presumption (covered in Part 3)
• Why myths persist even when they cause harm — the cultural logic behind each one
• The 8 most common grief myths, each examined through the same structure: where it comes from, how it harms, a relatable example, and a reframe

The 8 Grief Myths

• Myth 1: Grief has five stages, and you need to go through all of them
• Myth 2: Grief is primarily an emotion; it is what you feel
• Myth 3: Grief gets steadily better over time; it is a linear recovery
• Myth 4: If you are not showing visible distress, you are coping well
• Myth 5: Children are resilient, they don't really grieve, or they get over it quickly
• Myth 6: Moving on means letting go of the person you lost
• Myth 7: Grief is something you get over
• Myth 8: Seeking help for grief is a sign that you cannot cope

Referenced in this episode

The myths examined in this episode are part of a broader pattern in which popular culture transmits beliefs about grief, often without anyone intending harm. Nathalie first traced this in her two-part article series using Downton Abbey as a lens for the messages TV and film consistently send about how grief should look:

Downton Abbey Grief Theory — Part 1

Downton Abbey Grief Theory — Part 2

(Note: both articles are hosted on grievingparents.net, Nathalie's Grieving Parents Support Network site.)

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/