How Tim broke the cycle of sleep anxiety and insomnia by relinquishing control, embracing self-kindness, and building skill in acceptance (#68)

Tim’s insomnia began during a stressful time in his life. At first, it was just a few bad nights but the more he worried about it, the worse it got. The harder he tried to fix his sleep, the more he struggled. Things started to change when Tim learned a new way to deal with insomnia. He realized that trying to control sleep was actually keeping him stuck. So, instead of resisting wakefulness, he began to give it permission to exist. As he stopped following strict sleep rules and gave himself more freedom, Tim learned that being awake at night wasn’t the real problem — it was his response to the fear of not sleeping that made things harder. Over time, as Tim let go of the struggle, sleep showed up all by itself, without him needing to go to war with insomnia night after night. And, when he stopped chasing after sleep and focused on living his life independently of sleep, insomnia lost the stranglehold it once had over his life. Click here for a full transcript of this episode. Transcript Martin: Welcome to the Insomnia Coach Podcast. My name is Martin Reed. I believe that by changing how we respond to insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with it, we can move away from struggling with insomnia and toward living the life we want to live. Martin: The content of this podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. The statements and opinions expressed by guests are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by Insomnia Coach LLC. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied. Martin: Okay, Tim, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to come onto the podcast. Tim: You’re very welcome. Glad I could be here. Martin: Great to have you on. Let’s start right at the beginning. When did your sleep problems first begin and what do you think caused your initial issues with sleep? Tim: As you’ve talked about before, there seems to always be that precipitating event. I think I’ve set myself up through a lifetime of Sleep the way I valued it and thought about it and so forth. But it was January 23rd, 24th, the night of 2023. I was on a business trip and I had a bunch of things going on in my personal life. Tim: It was a big meeting the next day in Madison, Wisconsin, where I live in Wisconsin. And I think I woke up probably about midnight, one o’clock. And I never got back to sleep the rest of the night. And I just attributed it to what was going on in my life. The. meetings that were going on the next day. Tim: I had just gotten a new dog too, and we were getting ready to have her spayed. She was older and then she went into heat and so we had to cancel. And that was, that had me a little anxious and so forth. But so like I did the next day, I was really tired and. But ground through it, had good meetings and got home that night. Tim: And as was often the case, if I had one night of bad sleep, I would take it was an allergy medication to help me sleep on that night. But, leading up to this too, I think this was the culmination of a lot of angst, but it was something as simple of our workday started a half hour earlier. Tim: So we were going to, instead of starting work at eight o’clock, we were starting work at seven 30. And I had already, I was driving roughly 45 minutes each day. I also work out in the morning. Before I go to work. So I was already getting up at about four 50. So I realized I was going to have to start getting up at about four 20 and four, four 15, four 20 right in there. Tim: And I was just thinking, dang, I’m going to have to get to bed even earlier now. Otherwise, it’s going to be a potentially a miserable day. And, I had always been rigid and really guarded my sleep. It’s not like I needed a full eight hours. It seems for me like seven hours was always that ideal. Tim: And I could do six and there’s times I could do five and four, but I would always get back into that pattern. But for whatever reason, this kind of just got into my head. That, yeah, this is, I’m gonna have to be getting up like almost a half hour earlier and all the kids were still at home they were young adults and I liked to be able to listen to them because it seems like just about the time I was going to be going to bed, they all like to start coming out and start talking, they’re like vampires where they come alive at night wouldn’t see him throughout the day. Tim: I it just got into my head. And then that night. Like I said, down in Madison laying in bed, it was, and I didn’t even give it much thought. But I had probably, I don’t ...