How Rebecca went from doing everything right and still struggling with sleep to letting go and achieving insomnia freedom (#70)

Rebecca never struggled with sleep — until she began working 24-hour shifts as a hospital-based midwife. She cared deeply about her patients, and she made a quiet promise to herself: nothing would go wrong on her watch. That meant staying awake through every shift. Over time, that vigilance seeped into her nights at home. Sleep became something she chased — and then something she feared. Rebecca tried everything: medication, strict CBT-I programs, endless data tracking, a long list of rules. And still, sleep didn’t come. She followed every instruction, but nothing seemed to work — and somewhere along the way, she started to believe that something was wrong with her. That she wasn’t doing something right. What changed wasn’t a new pill or a stricter plan. It was her relationship with sleep — and with herself. She began practicing a different approach. She gave herself permission to rest without sleep. To play golf. To laugh with friends. To live with uncertainty and discomfort instead of fighting them. She made room for the thoughts and feelings that once overwhelmed her — and realized they didn’t have to control her life. Sleep didn’t return overnight. But as her days became fuller and her nights gentler, it began to come back — naturally, and with far less struggle. Today, Rebecca still has shorter nights from time to time, as all human beings do. And they no longer define her or limit her. Because she knows: she can still live fully and move forward — no matter what the night brings. Click here for a full transcript of this episode. Transcript Martin: Welcome to the Insomnia Coach Podcast. My name is Martin Reed. I believe that by changing how we respond to insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with it, we can move away from struggling with insomnia and toward living the life we want to live. Martin: The content of this podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. The statements and opinions expressed by guests are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by Insomnia Coach LLC. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied. Martin: Okay. Rebecca, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to come onto the podcast. Rebecca: Oh, I’m happy to be here. Martin: It’s great to have you on. Let’s start, as always, right at the very beginning. Can you tell us when your sleep problems first began and what you think may have caused those initial issues with sleep? Rebecca: Yes I can tell you. I know for sure. My sleep problem started when I was in my middle late forties. I had just accepted and started a new position. I was working in the hospital, as a nurse midwife. What that meant was that when I was on call, I was in the hospital for 24 hours. And I was in charge of, managing any woman who came in with, a normal labor, so to speak, and managing her, delivering her, whatever. I was quite anxious about it all. I really, I made a decision early on. I never wanted anything to happen on my watch. And so what that, happened with that is that when I was on a 24 hour shift, I made sure I stayed awake for 24 hours because I was afraid that even though we had a call room and I could lay down and. Whatnot. I was afraid that if I got into a deep sleep and someone called me with somewhat an emergent situation, that I wouldn’t be able to think fast enough or think on my feet, so to speak. I forced to stay up and what I realized quickly was I, I would have difficulty getting to sleep, on the nights that I was not in the hospital. It first started out, I just had difficulty getting to sleep. It took several hours. and then that created a lot of anxiety about, I’m not gonna be alert enough to do this job and that sort of thing. And then it just turned into, couldn’t get to sleep, couldn’t stay asleep. So that’s how it started. And, it was a decision I made and, it did affect me considerably, but. I am. Martin: Yeah, so we were you just dealing with that as a side effect of your chosen career? You just recognized that because you are remaining awake for that whole shift, there’s gonna be some sleep disruption that comes with that and you just accepted that. Or was it a case that it was really causing you a struggle and you were really invested in trying to get this resolved? Rebecca: It really caused a lot of struggle to the point that, I went to see my primary care doctor and I told her, I said, I can’t do this job with no sleep, I’m having a really difficult time sleeping when I’m not on call, and it’s affecting ...