How Being Right Actually Keeps You In The Wrong: What Now? for Alienated Parents

In episode 156, Shelby dives into the topic of comparative righteousness and explores how alienated parents can move past rigid right-wrong thinking. She categorizes four types of mindsets parents like us might fall into: the over analyzer, the justice seeker, the rigid role model, and the personal martyr. Shelby discusses the cognitive biases involved in these mindsets, such as all-or-nothing thinking, confirmation bias, naive realism, group bias, and the implications these have on our mental and emotional well-being. Emphasizing the importance of curiosity, compassion, and understanding, Shelby provides practical prompts and gentler phrasing alternatives for interactions with co-parents and children. She also delves into the roots of right-wrong thinking from both a neuroscientific and psychological perspective, encouraging listeners to adopt a more balanced and introspective approach in dealing with their experiences of parental alienation.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:29 Listener Review and Reflections

03:39 Black and White Thinking in Alienation

05:15 Understanding Moral Outrage

12:20 Comparative Righteousness and Cognitive Biases

14:53 The Over Analyzer Parent

21:41 The Justice Seeker Parent

30:20 The Rigid Role Model Parent

36:35 The Personal Martyr Parent

44:33 Roots of Right vs. Wrong Mindset

45:43 Understanding the Cycle of Anger and Shame

49:49 The Ego's Role in Conflict

53:40 Client Case Study: Overcoming Victim Mentality

01:02:04 Shifting Perspectives: From Rigid Judgments to Compassion

01:12:41 Practical Communication Strategies

01:21:39 Final Thoughts and Reflection Questions