Hopefully this Doesn't Fall Dead in the Water

This week, Aida and Aaron rope in Mark and Fred to give first-timers the survival guide to Pattaya. From figuring out how to even get there without being fleeced by airport taxis, to the correct way to say “Pattaya” without sounding like a total tourist, they’ve got you covered. Expect recommendations like the mighty Eureka Lodge (yes, it’s a thing), tales from the bar scene (beer bars, beer gardens, go-gos… oh my), and a loving ode to the true culinary hero of Thailand: the 7-Eleven toastie. They’ll also let you in on the best transport hacks, like why Bolt beats haggling in the street any day. It’s part travel tips, part bar crawl, part comedy roast of anyone who dares order a plain burger in Thailand. If you’re new to Pattaya—or just want to laugh at those who are—this one’s your roadmap.