This episode is exactly what it sounds like and somehow also not.

I’m sitting down with my ex-husband, Michael, the father of our two kids, Kingston and Zuma, to talk about grief, parenting, loss, and what it looks like when two people survive the same earthquake and end up standing on completely different fault lines.

We lost the same child.
We did not grieve the same way.

And no, this is not a debate or a reconciliation special.

This is a conversation about public grief vs private grief, why one parent talks and the other disappears, and how neither approach fixes anything, but both are human.

We talk about signs, silence, anger, awkward moments, and the unspoken pressure to perform pain correctly so other people feel comfortable.

There is no moral of the story.
There is no healing arc tied up with a bow.

There is humor, honesty, a few derailments, and exactly zero instructions on how you should be doing grief.

If you’re grieving a person, a version of your life, a marriage, or just your tolerance for bullshit, you’re welcome here.

We’re fine.
Don’t make it weird.

🎧 Links, books, and the things I keep referencing mid-sentence:

You're Not Crazy, You're Connected: Grief Journal
https://payhip.com/b/q2fPt

Zuma's Magical Balloon with Audio
https://payhip.com/b/A58gO

Follow me everywhere!
👉 https://linktr.ee/Haute.Mess

This episode is what happens when a grieving mom, a medium-in-training, and a woman with the bladder of a Victorian ghost all live in the same body.

I watched Oprah talk to Laura Lynn Jackson about signs from the other side, and instead of feeling comforted like a normal person, I got fired up like a feral televangelist because every time I say the exact same stuff, people look at me like I’m about to start a cult in my laundry room. Yet Oprah nods once and suddenly America believes in intuition again.

So naturally I took this emotional instability to Six Flags on Thanksgiving, because nothing says spiritual awakening like pissing your pants on a roller coaster and losing a shoe while your dead kid photobombs the ride camera as a literal glowing orb.

Yes. An orb. A crisp “you can’t deny me” orb sitting in the exact seat Kingston would have occupied. Plus a whale. Plus a choreographed dolphin pod. Plus me ugly-crying in public like mascara was a suggestion.

You’ll hear the whole thing. The signs. The quantum entanglement lecture my ex did NOT ask for. The missing shoe. The cosmic comedy routine my kid apparently wrote from the afterlife.

If you’ve ever wondered whether signs from the other side are real, or if you’re just spiritually constipated, this episode is your permission slip to stop doubting what you already know.

And if your friends step back like you're cursing them? Congratulations. You’re waking up. They’ll catch up or they won’t. Either way, you’re fine.

Download the You’re Not Crazy, You’re Connected Grief Journal.
Build your sign language with the other side. Practice it. Own it. Let it save you the way it saved me.

Follow me on all platforms and check out my children’s books on Amazon, follow me on all platforms (especially TikTok because we need to monetize this circus), and keep Kingston’s legacy loud.

Connection doesn’t die. And neither do we.

New episodes weekly unless the universe throws me onto another roller coaster.

Welcome to part two which means we survived part one without me blacking out mid-sentence or Tanisha calling for backup. She’s here again doing what she does best which is keeping me from free-falling into twelve unrelated stories while the audience wonders if they accidentally clicked on a documentary about reincarnation and bad life choices.

This episode picks up where we left off. Kingston. Signs. The balloon. The strange moments you can’t shrug off no matter how hard you try. The things nobody prepares you for when your life cracks open and the universe starts dropping hints like it thinks you’re finally paying attention.

We talk grief that doesn’t behave grief that rewires you grief that teaches you more in a year than school managed in twelve. We talk kids who see more than adults pretend to. We talk spiritual wake-ups that feel less like enlightenment and more like getting shoved through a cosmic revolving door without warning. And yes we talk about the red balloon again because apparently I’m contractually obligated by the afterlife.

Tanisha keeps me on track. I try to behave. Neither of us succeeds. It’s fine.

If you want the rest of my projects books grief support links and whatever side quest I’m pretending to manage this week you can find everything here:
https://linktr.ee/Haute.Mess

Follow. Subscribe. Share. Leave a review that makes me sound employable. Send it to someone with disposable income. Let’s keep this circus moving.