Holy Looks Like This

In this episode, Em unpacks what it felt like to shave her head in the wake of assault—how something that began as sacred and freeing slowly turned isolating. People looked at her like she was unwell, like she was dangerous. What began as power became proof against her in the eyes of others.

Even the wig she wore for protection didn’t soften the stares. When the investigator from Child Protective asked why she shaved her head—and why she played with her wig—Em expected judgment. But instead, she felt seen. The woman already knew. She recognized the trauma pouring out of Em’s body, and she asked not to accuse—but to understand.

This episode follows Em’s decision to leave New York, after being disbelieved by her family and discarded by a system that claimed to protect. She stayed through Christmas, hoping for some thread of belonging to appear. It didn’t. After the new year, she returned to Illinois and, by late January, moved into a women’s shelter.

This is a story about the loneliness of being holy, the betrayal of those who needed you to be quiet, and the long road back to safety.

Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of those not responsible for harm.

Topics in this episode include:

• The sacred act of shaving one’s head after trauma
• Alienation, shame, and reclaiming appearance as armor
• Being seen by one woman who understood—without judgment
• Family denial and redefinition of sexual assault
• Leaving behind everything to survive in a women’s shelter

Trigger Warning:

This episode discusses sexual assault, trauma responses, familial betrayal, and the experience of living in a shelter. Please listen with care.

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