Flow is one of those words that gets used all the time, but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how do we create more of it in real life, not just in elite sport or peak performance moments?

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Sue Jackson, one of the world’s leading experts on flow, to talk about what flow really is, how challenge-skill balance works, and why mindfulness, self-efficacy, and trust in your own abilities matter so much in creating these deeply absorbing and meaningful states. We also get into how risk perception shapes flow, why self-consciousness can pull us out of it, and whether neurodivergent hyperfocus is the same thing as flow, or something different.

This conversation felt especially relevant to me because I’ve been exploring the overlap between flow, self-transcendent experiences, mindfulness in action, and those moments when you’re fully immersed in something challenging and alive. We talk about sport, yes—but also parenting, presentations, reading research, fatigue, difficult days, and how to work with your attention when life is messy and real.

Top 5 Takeaways

1. Flow is not just “being in the zone”
2. Mindfulness supports flow
3. Self-efficacy matters
4. Risk is partly about perception
5. Hyperfocus and flow are not the same thing

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

In this Mindfulness in Action episode, I’m recording on a trail run and thinking out loud about something I’ve been re-examining in my own life: the pressure to constantly optimize and get better.

We hear it everywhere: be more productive, improve every day, maximize your time. And while growth and striving for excellence matter, I’ve been noticing how easily that mindset turns into pressure, guilt, and a constant feeling of not doing enough.

In this episode, I share how I’ve been unlearning that pattern, what it actually means to “strive well,” and why doing less can sometimes lead to better performance, creativity, and well-being.

I also guide you through a simple mindfulness practice you can do while moving to help you notice:

• Where you’re putting pressure on yourself
• The inner voice telling you to do more
• How to reconnect with contentment in the middle of effort

The goal isn’t to stop growing, it’s to redefine what getting better actually looks like. If you’ve been feeling stuck in the cycle of always needing to do more, this one’s for you.

Other meditations:

- Slowing Down the Rush
- How to Regulate Your Emotions for Resilience and Performance
- How to Combat Self-Criticism

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Sometimes it's hard to say what you mean. Oren Jay Sofer says, "Communication is a learnable skill and it’s one of the most powerful levers for making change in your life and the world." Non-violent communication is about taking responsibility for what we are experiencing using empathy, deep listening, know how to make requests.

// This episode is a replay from the Sonya Looney Show. It originally aired October 22, 2020. //

Author and renowned meditation instructor Oren Jay Sofer regularly teaches a mindful approach to non-violent communication. spent two and a half years of living as an Anagarika (renunciate) at branch monasteries in the Ajahn Chah Thai Forest lineage. Today, his teaching combines classical Buddhist training with the accessible language of secular mindfulness. Since the early 2000s, Oren has had a deep interest in the relationship between contemplative practice and communication. A graduate of the BayNVC North American Leadership Training, he has taught classes and workshops in Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) nationally since 2006. His innovative retreats and online programs in Mindful Communication offer one of the only opportunities in the U.S today to explore the intersection between formal meditation practice, Right Speech and NVC. Oren is the founder and Guiding Teacher of Next Step Dharma, an innovative online course focused on bringing the tools of meditation to daily life, and co-founder of Mindful Healthcare. Oren has created mindfulness programs for organizations, companies, and apps including Apple, Kaiser Permanente, Lumosity, Calm, 10% Happier, Simple Habit and others.

I loved his book, Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication. In the book, a main theme is that every thought or feeling is there to try to meet a need. If you can try to figure out what need your thoughts are tied to, it's easier to articulate what you need to those around you. It's also useful when listening to someone in a disucssion or conflict to tease out what need they are trying to have met. I also enjoyed learning about conflict and viewing it as a way to deepen relationships. I also learned that non-violent communication and conflict resolution isn't necessarily to try to get someone to do things your way, it's about deepening understanding of one another because sometimes we simply can't agree to have the same viewpoint. Non-violent communication has a framework of observation, the feeling, the needs and values to be met, and the request.

Three questions you can ask yourself are what happened, how do I feel about it, and why?

I also loved learning about how to use mindfulness in listening and communication as well as how to ground yourself in your own body when tensions rise.

Topics Discussed in the Podcast

• from childhood actor to meditation instructor
• 4 types of conflict avoidance
• self-empathy
• tools for internal pressure
• No mud, no lotus
• addressing the voiceless and gender constructs
• how to make requests of others

Resources

• Oren Jay Sofer's website
• Get Oren's book: Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.