Grief, Work, and the Performance of Being Okay

This episode is a continuation of my last post—about grief, work, and what it means to keep showing up inside a system that doesn’t pause when things fall apart.Today, I’m speaking more directly about the tension I think so many of us are quietly holding:What it means to be a human being living through real pain… while also being someone who is expected to function, produce, lead, and show up. (Also show up for who? For our community, for ourselves, for the capitalist?)We’re living in a time where grief is not rare. It’s not exceptional.It’s ambient. It’s layered. It’s ongoing.And yet, most of us have never been taught:* what grief actually does to the body (I think this and classes on how to have hard conversations and do your taxes would have been more relevant than say, geometry…)* why your capacity changes when you’re in it (from a biological perspective)* how to navigate work, relationships, and visibility while your internal world is fundamentally altered (as it would be, of course, if something traumatic happened to you)So instead, we make it mean something about us.That we’re less disciplined.Less focused.Lazy, even.What if nothing is wrong with you?What if the exhaustion, the brain fog, the emotional volatility, the desire to pull back—or the need to keep going—are not personal failures, but biological and psychological responses to what you’re carrying?I also talk about something I don’t think we name enough:The way capitalism—and more specifically the attention economy—intensifies our experience of grief.Not just because we’re expected to keep producing,but because we’re continuously exposed to crisis, trauma, and information in a way no human nervous system was designed to process.So we’re not just grieving our own lives.We’re absorbing the world.And then asking ourselves why we can’t focus.This is not an episode about doing grief perfectly. It’s about removing the expectation that you should.If you’re in a season where things feel heavy—personally, collectively, or both—this episode is for you.🤍 A NoteYou don’t owe anyone a perfectly articulated explanation of what you’re going through.You don’t have to perform being okay.And you are allowed to both:* need support* and continue showing up in ways that feel sustainableThose things are not in conflict.🔗 Sources & Research Mentioned* Stahl, S. T., et al. (2019). Bereavement leave and its impact on employees. * National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (2022). Impact of repeated exposure to trauma and stress.* NBC News – Your Brain on Grief (video segment on neurological effects of grief)* Reuters (2026). Attention economy, infinite scroll, and user engagement research This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carakovacs.substack.com/subscribe