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Abish kicks things off with a cocktail that has absolutely nothing to do with the episode and everything to do with vibes: the "Pickligamy". Equal parts vodka, pickle juice, and lemonade, garnished with a pickle spear, it exists purely because the word sounded funny and honestly? That’s enough. The drink inspires immediate polarization—pickle lovers rejoice, pickle skeptics recoil—and the segment spirals delightfully into pregnancy cravings, candy unboxings, Minneapolis chaos, and the emotional whiplash of trying to stay informed while the world is actively on fire. It’s chaotic, comforting, and extremely on brand.

Scriptures: [00:29:53]

aaaAAAaaa takes on Abraham 4, aka Genesis 1 but Joseph Smith is freestyling from memory. The segment walks through Abraham 4 beat by beat, highlighting how closely it mirrors Genesis structurally while managing to be longer, clumsier, and way more repetitive. The plural “Gods” are introduced immediately and then aggressively re-introduced over and over again, without ever being explained or allowed to actually do anything interesting.

Church Teachings: [00:50:01]

Moroni dives into the many Mormon versions of the creation story, moving beyond scripture into temple theology. He lays out the five major creation accounts that matter in LDS thought: Genesis, Moses, Abraham, and multiple versions of the temple endowment—including the pre-2023 version and the revised post-2023 changes. The segment meticulously tracks how the endowment’s creation narrative originally didn’t line up with any of the scriptural versions, then was quietly edited to match them more closely.

History: [01:12:43]

Abigail closes the episode with “Mormons in Space,” an absolutely unhinged deep dive into Battlestar Galactica (1978) and its creator, Glen A. Larson. What starts as a fun pop-culture tangent turns into a full-blown Mormon theology exposé as Abigail traces Larson’s LDS background, his career trajectory from 1950s boy band heartthrob to TV megacreator, and how Battlestar Galactica becomes Mormon cosmology with lasers.

From the Quorum of the Twelve in space, to Kolob-adjacent planets, Egyptian aesthetics, literal devil figures named Lucifer and Iblis, resurrection arcs, sealing language, and angelic beings made of light, the show is revealed to be less “Star Wars knockoff” and more “temple endowment with spaceships.” Abigail walks through key episodes—especially War of the Gods—to show just how explicitly Mormon the narrative becomes, culminating in a celestial destiny for humanity and a literal search for Earth. The segment lands on a comparison between the incoherent, patriarchal original series and the far superior 2004 reboot, proving once again that Mormon ideas are everywhere… even when they really shouldn’t be.

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aaaAAAaaa opens the episode in classic Great & Spacious chaos, immediately acknowledging that Joseph Smith’s Abrahamic space fanfic has once again forced a cocktail concept into existence. This week’s drink, "Gnolaum Kokaubeam", is a coffee cocktail named after the aggressively fake cosmic vocabulary Joseph introduces in Abraham 3—specifically the “eternal” and “star/light” language that somehow sounds like it belongs on a Starbucks menu.

The segment veers delightfully into tangents about caffeine, preparation-as-a-lifestyle, accidental recordings, earthquakes, and the inevitability of filling silence with words. The vibe is caffeinated, slightly unhinged, and perfectly aligned with a chapter where God insists—repeatedly and ungrammatically—that He is more intelligent than everyone else.

Scriptures: [00:21:17]

Moroni walks through Abraham 3, a chapter that functions less like scripture and more like a seventh-grade essay written by a farm school dropout trying very hard to sound cosmically important. Abraham is shown visions of stars, planets, and governing bodies, culminating in the introduction of Kolob—the star nearest to God’s throne—and a hierarchy where everything exists on a scale of “lesser” and “greater,” repeated until meaning collapses under its own weight.

The discussion highlights how the chapter blends speculative astronomy, time dilation (“one day unto the Lord”), and premortal hierarchy, all while God declares Himself “more intelligent than they all” in some of the most awkward divine dialogue in scripture. Moroni emphasizes how this chapter quietly introduces foreordination, noble and great ones, and the scaffolding for Mormon premortal elitism, all wrapped in language that feels far more 19th century than ancient.

Church Teachings: 00:39:14

Claudia breaks down what the LDS Church teaches based on Abraham 3, focusing on foreordination, premortal existence, and the War in Heaven. The segment explores how members are taught that certain spirits were chosen before birth for leadership roles—prophets, rulers, and “choice” individuals—while still maintaining the convenient loophole that foreordination isn’t a guarantee, just a cosmic head start.

The conversation unpacks how these teachings historically justified hierarchy, patriarchy, and racism, including older doctrines that framed physical, racial, or national “limitations” as evidence of lesser premortal valiance. Claudia connects these ideas to Mormon culture’s obsession with being the “chosen generation,” noting how every generation somehow inherits that same title, and how the logic of Abraham 3 continues to underpin modern LDS authority structures despite decades of quiet doctrinal cleanup.

History: 00:59:24

Abigail closes the episode with a deep dive into cosmology itself—what it is, why every human society develops one, and how cosmologies function less as explanations of the universe and more as justifications for who gets to be in charge. Drawing on comparative mythology and religious studies, she outlines common cosmological frameworks across cultures and shows how Mormon cosmology fits neatly into patterns of hierarchy, divine craftsmanship, and procreative authority rather than ancient Hebrew thought.

She situates Abraham 3 squarely in its 19th-century con

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Moroni opens the episode with a mercifully refreshing cocktail, the Cranberry Vodka Spritz-Ur, a deliciously refreshing drink named for the land of Ur and the general need for something light before wading into Abrahamic theology. Built around vodka, cranberry juice, citrus, and a fizzy topper, the drink does what it needs to do: keeps spirits up while the conversation immediately detours into the emotional exhaustion of existing in 2026. The intro swings between gallows humor, pop-culture side quests, and the general sense that everything is on fire, but at least the drink slaps. Consensus is reached quickly: this is one of the better cocktails in recent memory, which is good, because the rest of the episode is… a lot.

Scriptures: [00:32:29]

Abish walks everyone through Abraham 2, covering Abraham’s divine relocation order, the expansion of the covenant, and the promise that his name, seed, and priesthood authority will somehow bless literally everyone. The chapter’s emphasis on separation from corrupt societies, obedience without immediate payoff, and covenantal chosenness sets the stage for everything that follows. Abraham is framed as special, chosen, and obedient long before there is any visible success, establishing a template where faithfulness matters more than outcomes. The segment highlights how genealogical language and priesthood authority are already doing a lot of heavy lifting here, even before Joseph Smith gets fully weird with it later.

Church Teachings: [00:49:53]

aaaAAAaaa attempts to explain the Abrahamic Covenant using an official BYU Religious Studies Center article, quickly discovering that it is aggressively long, deeply repetitive, and determined to explain the same point twelve times in slightly different arrangements of words. After valiantly reading for longer than anyone deserved, he pivots to a summarized version to preserve the will to live of the other hosts. The segment reframes Abraham 2 as institutional theology rather than narrative scripture, showing how the covenant is used to justify chosen-ness, obedience without reward, and suffering as a feature rather than a bug. The takeaway is clear: the covenant isn’t just a promise, it’s an operating system—one that explains why being chosen mostly means being used.

History: [01:07:16]

Abigail closes things out by focusing on Abraham’s “seed,” and by seed she very much means seed, unpacking just how biologically, genealogically, and obsessively reproductive this section of scripture really is. The segment leans into how lineage becomes theology, how fertility becomes destiny, and how the covenant quietly turns into a divine breeding program with eternal consequences. Along the way, she connects this fixation to broader ancient and modern anxieties about inheritance, legitimacy, and power, all while keeping the tone appropriately unhinged. If nothing else, listeners leave with a renewed appreciation for just how horny theology can get when it runs out of better metaphors.

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