What can you say to someone who has lost a loved one by suicide?

Whaf shouldn't you say?

This episode of Giving Voice to Depression continues the conversation with Deb Sherwood, a journalist and suicide loss survivor. This powerful and candid discussion focuses on the impact of words and actions—both hurtful and helpful—on someone grieving a death by suicide.

Deb shares some of the shockingly insensitive and painful comments she received from everyone, including long-time friends and even medical and mental health professionals. These comments added to her trauma and led her to end decades-long friendships. The hosts and Deb emphasize that stigma around suicide is often the root cause of these thoughtless remarks and that people's curiosity or discomfort can lead to profound hurt.

The conversation then pivots to more constructive advice. Deb offers practical suggestions for what to say and do to truly support someone who is grieving. Instead of a vague "call me if you need anything," she suggests offering concrete help, like bringing dinner on a specific day. She also highlights the immense value of sharing positive memories of the deceased and the healing power of suicide support groups, where no one's grief is judged. Ultimately, the episode is a moving plea for empathy and a reminder that simple, kind words can make all the difference.

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This episode features an emotional and deeply personal conversation about the cost of secrecy.

Guest Deb Sherwood lost her husband, Bob, by suicide after a long battle with illness. Deb, a journalist, bravely shares their story, revealing the complex and traumatic aftermath that comes with a death by suicide.

She and the hosts, Terry and her co-host at the time, Brigitte, discuss the unique challenges suicide loss survivors face, including the trauma of a sudden death, recurring thoughts, and the crushing weight of stigma, shame, and isolation. Deb recounts the painful experience of being a "person of interest" in her own home and the profound guilt she felt after a seemingly innocent comment made to her husband just hours before his death.

For a year, she kept the truth of his death a secret, which she now believes delayed her own healing process. Deb emphasizes that talking about suicide is a crucial step in healing and hopes her story will help others navigate their own grief, encouraging them to find support and not suffer in silence. The hosts also touch on the importance of having resources and support available, highlighting an article from Harvard Medical School on the unique nature of suicide grief.

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Meg Kissinger, a Pulitzer Prize finalist and author of a powerful memoir, shares her family's unique and moving story about living with serious mental illness.

She talks openly about losing two siblings to suicide, and how her experiences as both a sister and an investigative journalist shaped her understanding of the US mental health system.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who believes that having honest conversations about depression and mental illness can help create a world where no one feels alone.

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Terry's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/givingvoicetodepression/