Your feelings are real. But what if acting on them is making things worse?

In this episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko continues the DBT series with three tools for navigating emotions without being controlled by them.

We cover Opposite Action — the skill for when your emotion is justified, but the urge it's driving you toward would damage something you care about. We look at Problem Solving — for when the emotion does fit the facts and there's something concrete you can actually do. And we explore Building Positive Experiences — the proactive, preventative practice of filling your emotional reserves before crisis hits.

James shares personal stories from his medical leave, a financial spiral, and the anxiety he felt recording this very episode — and what it looked like to apply (or not apply) these tools in real time.

In this episode:

• The "action urge" behind every emotion — and when following it makes things worse
• How avoidance teaches your brain that the threat is real
• Why you can't half-ass opposite action
• The difference between a catastrophe and a problem
• Why positive experiences aren't a luxury — they're emotional infrastructure

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This week on a very special episode of Friendless recorded live at the Book Warehouse on Main Street, host James Avramenko interviews thriller author Robin Harding about her novel Strangers in the Villa.

They discuss the inspiration for the book’s setup—a couple, Sydney and Curtis, retreat to an isolated villa in Catalonia, Spain, to repair their marriage after an affair, then invite in two Australian strangers who won’t leave—by a real trip and intensified by language and cultural barriers. They discuss character psychology, morally gray “damaged and damaging” behaviour, the cruelty of calling an affair “meaningless,” and Harding’s theme of “what is forgivable,” escalating toward an ultimately unforgivable revelation tied to exploitation and trafficking, raising questions of justice versus vigilantism. Harding describes her craft process, multiple POV, and how isolation strips away performance.

Find Robyn at robynharding.com or on Instagram @rhardingwriter.

Strangers in the Villa is out now — find it at the Book Warehouse!

📧 friendlesspod@gmail.com | 📱 @friendlesspod

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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we ask what if the goal of emotional maturity isn't to stop feeling things but to stop fighting them?

In Part 5 of Friendless's deep dive into DBT emotional regulation, James unpacks what emotions are actually for, and why treating them like problems to solve is exactly what keeps us stuck.

This episode covers three foundational skills: naming emotions accurately (because "I feel bad" tells you nothing useful), checking the facts (the difference between what actually happened and the story your brain added on top), and the PLEASE skill — the unglamorous daily maintenance checklist that has a surprisingly direct line to how regulated you feel.

James also gets personal: about spending years terrified of his own anger, about the shame hiding underneath a text that didn't get answered, and about why exercise remains the bane of his existence.

In this episode:

• Why emotions are signals, not malfunctions
• The smoke alarm analogy that reframes everything
• How vague labels like "fine" keep you stuck
• Checking the facts vs. checking the story
• PLEASE: Physical illness, Eating, Avoid substances, Sleep, Exercise
• A short practice to try right now

Friendless is a podcast about loneliness, connection, and the honest, sometimes uncomfortable work of understanding ourselves.

📧 friendlesspod@gmail.com

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