Last time we discussed challenging your anxious thoughts.

But sometimes, that alone isn’t enough.

That’s where the second technique comes in: changing your relationship with your thoughts.

This approach comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and is based on a concept called defusion.

What Is Defusion?

Defusion means separating yourself from your thoughts.

Instead of being fused with them (as in: caught up, consumed, convinced by them), you create space.

You go from being your thoughts to noticing your thoughts.

2 Truths That Help with Defusion

1. Thoughts are input, not reality.

Your brain generates thoughts 24/7.

Some are helpful. Some are not.

You don’t have to believe every single one.

In fact, your job is to be discerning: to decide which thoughts get your attention.

You can start by treating thoughts as “mental offerings.” Some you take. Some you pass on.

2. Thoughts are impermanent.

Even the most gripping thoughts eventually pass.

Try this: Set a timer for 5 minutes and simply observe how your mind jumps from one thought to the next.

Even if you want to hold onto a single thought, you’ll find your mind wanders.

This is huge. It means you don’t need to panic when a thought shows up. It won’t be here forever.

Defusion Tools You Can Use

Tool 1: Label the thought.

When you catch yourself in a stressful story, say:

“I’m having the thought that I’ll never sleep again.”

Or just say:

“Thinking.”

This simple shift creates distance. You’re no longer in the thought. You’re the observer of it.

Tool 2: Sing your thought.

Yes, seriously.

Take the thought and sing it to the tune of “Happy Birthday” or say it in a cartoon voice.

“If I don’t fall asleep in 10 minutes, my life is overrrr!” (cue jazz hands)

This doesn’t mock the fear behind the thought. It just helps you break its spell.

The point of defusion isn’t to get rid of thoughts. It’s to hold them more lightly.

One Final Shift

Next time you’re lying in bed, try this:

Notice your thoughts. Label them. Let them be.

And then choose what to do next anyway.

You can let the thought come along for the ride without letting it drive the bus.

Sleep is more likely when your mind is less reactive.

And the less power your thoughts have, the more space there is for rest.

You don’t have to win the battle in your mind.

You just have to stop fighting.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I’ve now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.
2. If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally, book a call today to see if we can help.

If you enjoyed this podcast, consider sharing it with a friend.

Anxiety-fueled thoughts are one of the main drivers of insomnia.

As night approaches, anxious thoughts tend to ramp up.

Then they often return with a vengeance in the middle of the night.

For many, it can feel like walking on eggshells inside your mind, fearful that one catastrophic thought will kick off a chain reaction that ruins the entire night.

It’s a frustrating and lonely place to be.

But there’s good news:

How you relate to your thoughts can radically change how much anxiety and distress they cause.

And that means you can reduce the dirty pain that insomnia adds to your life.

Two main techniques can help:

1. Challenging your thoughts
2. Changing your relationship to them

Let’s start with the first.

Challenging your thoughts doesn’t mean arguing with yourself all night.

It means:

• Becoming aware of a stressful thought
• Noticing when it may not be grounded in reality
• Exploring alternative, more balanced ways of seeing things

Let’s take an example.

You’re lying in bed and think:

“I’ll never get through tomorrow if I don’t sleep now.”

Pause.

Can you remember a time you barely slept and still made it through the day?

Even better, can you remember a time you thought you’d crash—but by evening realized the day wasn’t nearly as bad as you feared?

Now, another example:

“If I don’t sleep tonight, I’ll get too anxious to sleep tomorrow, and soon I’ll never sleep again.”

Thoughts like this are truly not grounded in reality.

Remind yourself of the sleep drive:

The longer you go without sleep, the more your body pushes for it.

You will sleep eventually. Your body is wired for it.

And insomnia?

It can feel miserable, but it’s not fatal. (Seriously.)

1. What’s happening?

• Describe the situation.

2. What’s your interpretation?

• Identify the thought you’re challenging.

3. How do you feel?

• Name the emotion and rate its intensity (1–10).

4. Now challenge the thought:

• Are there other possible interpretations?
• Is the thought accurate, based on what you’ve learned about sleep?
• What’s the actual likelihood of the worst-case scenario?
• If it did happen, how would you cope?

5. Re-evaluate:

• Do your emotions shift when you see it differently?

You don’t have to go through all of these questions every time.

Just catching yourself in the middle of a dramatic thought and asking, “Is that 100% true?” can be enough to ground you.

There are limits.

Sometimes, challenging your thoughts won’t be enough to feel better—especially if the anxiety is based on something plausible (like feeling tired tomorrow).

And sometimes, we turn thought-challenging into a desperate attempt to control our anxiety, which keeps us locked in the struggle.

That’s why we need another tool: changing your relationship with thoughts.

We’ll cover that next time—and it might be the most freeing shift you ever make.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the

If you’ve struggled with insomnia, you know this isn’t just about feeling tired.

It’s about the suffering that comes with not sleeping.

The fear.

The frustration.

The feeling that you’re broken.

The dread of the next night.

The anxiety about tomorrow.

It can feel like a never-ending spiral. But there’s a way out.

It starts with understanding the difference between clean pain and dirty pain.

Clean vs. Dirty Pain

This idea comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and it’s a game-changer.

• Clean pain is the natural discomfort that comes from difficult life experiences—like fatigue from a bad night, sadness, or disappointment.
• Dirty pain is the suffering we add on top of that experience with our reactions.

For example:

• Feeling tired = clean pain
• Telling yourself “I’ll never feel normal again” = dirty pain
• Feeling anxious = clean pain
• Berating yourself for being anxious = dirty pain

Dirty pain keeps you stuck.

It’s the loop of overthinking, catastrophizing, self-judgment, and avoidance.

It’s the extra suffering we create by resisting reality instead of accepting it.

The more you engage with dirty pain, the more revved up your nervous system becomes—and the harder it is to sleep.

But when you recognize it, you can shift.

You can choose to feel the clean pain—and skip the extra suffering.

Drop the Rope

Imagine you’re in a fierce game of tug-of-war with the “Insomnia Monster.”

You’re pulling with all your strength, trying not to fall into the pit.

You think:

“If I just try hard enough, I’ll win. I’ll finally sleep.”

But no matter how hard you pull, the monster pulls harder.

You’re exhausted, terrified, and it feels like you’re losing ground.

Here’s the twist:

You don’t have to win.

You can drop the rope.

When you stop fighting, the monster may still be there—but the struggle changes.

You’re no longer draining your energy in a battle you can’t win.

You’re reclaiming peace, one moment at a time.

You Can Choose a New Relationship with Insomnia

You don’t need to accept insomnia forever.

You don’t need to love being tired.

But you can learn to stop fighting every moment of it.

Mindful acceptance is how you find relief.

Not just when your sleep improves, but starting now.

Even while things are still messy.

Here’s the truth:

You won’t always feel calm.

You won’t always get it “right.”

But every time you shift from resistance to acceptance, you take a step toward peace.

And every step makes sleep easier.

So the next time you’re lying awake, ask yourself:

Can I stop fighting this moment, just for now?

Then see what happens.

You’re doing better than you think

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I’ve now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.

If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally,