Forgiving is Accepting // Forgive and Forget, Part 2

Every person we will ever meet, is going to annoy us at some point. Something in their personality will grate, something they do will hurt … so what's the secret of having a great relationship anyway? It seems that there are really only two types of people in this world: those who love getting up early in the morning and those who don't, those who love cats and those who hate them. Or, you know what I mean. It seems that different people just come out of different moulds. We have different likes and dislikes, different strengths and weaknesses. And as much as those differences make life interesting, they make life fun. They can also just plain get on our nerves. So how do we make sure that for our part, the differences between us and other people become a source of pleasure instead of pain, richness instead of resentment? As I've watched people over the years I've come to the conclusion that with every strength in a person, there's an equal and opposite weakness. It's like Newton's Law of Physics. You know, you meet someone with really good insights. You know they see things so clearly; they articulate a situation so well. And you go, wow, you know that person's clever. But often on the down side, they can be judgmental and blunt; they can be intolerant of other people's opinions that differ from their own. When you meet a person with a real servant heart. My wife's like this. They're the sort of person that always gets up to get the coffees. When you're out at dinner, they always get up and help the hostess and say, "Let me help you clean up." They're always the first to volunteer for something. It's wonderful being around someone like that. But on the flip-side, people like that can be critical of others who don't help as much as they do. They can be pushy or interfering in their eagerness to help. Or when you meet a strong and capable leader. You know, someone with real vision and that gift and ability to get other people just to follow them. But on the down side leaders like that can become upset with people who don't share the same goals and visions. They can regress into using people to accomplish their goals and visions. And have you ever met the sort of person that's got what I call a pastoral gifting? You know they're just the sort of person that will pull alongside someone else who's struggling with whatever. And they'll just spend whatever time is needed talking, having coffee, visiting them in hospital. Have you met those people when you think if I was ever stranded on a desert island, that's the sort of person I'd like to be stranded on an island with. The flip-side though is that people like that are really good managers of their time. They're rarely people who can force a whole bunch of things into a given time because the whole point of their gift and ability is that they don't worry about time as much as they worry about relationships. There's a pattern isn't there? Every strength seems to come with a corresponding weakness. I wonder if any of those ring a bell for you. For me, absolutely. My gig is insights and teaching and leadership. That's, I guess, what I do. And as I came as a businessman, someone who'd worked in business and commerce for sixteen or seventeen years, into Christian ministries, people saw some skills and abilities and thought, well gee I could use that skill in my ministry. I could use that ability that Berni has in my ministry. And they asked me to do a whole bunch of things like pastor a church. Can I tell you something? I think I would be hopeless at pastoring a church because I don't have the heart to do it. I don't have the sort of pastoral giftings, the gift to want to sit with people for a long time. That's just not me. And so it's really easy to look at someone and only want to harvest the things that are good about them. And yet, when you interact with them on a day-to-day basis, it's the other side of the coin. It's the weaknesses. It's their failures that hurt us, that grate on us, that ultimately drive us nuts. Reality? You and I are a package of strengths and weaknesses. I know I am and it's very true of me. I have some strengths but I also have some weaknesses. And the person that knows most about my weaknesses is obviously my wife. She could sit here for quite a long time and share with you all of my weaknesses. You wonder why I never have my wife on the program! And you know if it's true of me it's true of you too. But the funny thing is, we are so quick to justify our own weaknesses. Well you know, it's just how I am. I just can't change that thing about me. But then we look at other people. And even though it's true about them too. Even though every other person that you and I will ever meet is a package deal of strengths and weaknesses, what we want them to do is we want them to be only strengths. We don't want to accept the package deal that comes with every person that we meet. And as we get to know their weaknesses and limitations just that ...