For most of my life, I never thought I had a food addiction. I believed my struggles with weight were simply the result of genetics and environment, a lottery I had lost. I came from a family where many people were larger, food was central to everything we did, and at 5’9”, I assumed my size was inevitable. For most of my adult life, I weighed over 300 pounds. Even as my health declined, my denial only deepened.

That denial shattered in 2008. What I thought were slightly swollen ankles landed me in the hospital with heart failure. My heart rate climbed past 225 beats per minute. At 47 years old, paramedics chemically stopped my heart – twice – trying to reset it. In the back of that ambulance, I was terrified. At the hospital, I weighed in at 373 pounds.

Still, I didn’t understand food addiction. I lost some weight by watching my sodium, but the obsession never left. In 2010, after being given a birthday cake and later eating the entire thing alone in a closet, I asked the universe for help, specifically for someone I could talk to about my food. Soon after, I was led to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). When I made the call, I finally heard that sugar and flour are addictive substances. At once, everything clicked – the mental obsession was paired with a physical craving.

I joined FA on April 28, 2010, weighing 302 pounds, and I have lost over 150 pounds. With my doctor’s guidance, I’ve come off 18 different medications. I no longer need a cane, which I once relied on at age 49. I no longer have sleep apnea or high blood pressure. I restored my relationships and financial standing, and I’ve gained a life beyond anything I imagined. Today, I live with freedom, purpose, and gratitude, one day at a time.

Once I started eating, I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t a grazer – I was a binge eater. I ate in secret, whole packages at a time, with the door closed. When I came to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) at 20 years old, I was obese, deeply unhappy, and running out of hope. Today, at 58 years old and 85 pounds lighter, I have a blessed life in recovery. From age three, food lit me up like a Christmas tree. I remember being caught hiding behind a curtain at my parents' dinner party, secretly bingeing on dessert. My first diet was in sixth grade, and it began a pattern that lasted for years: intense excitement, a few days of success, and then the moment of insanity when I told myself I could have ‘just one bite.’ From there, I was off to the races My brother was born with a heart defect, and I could feel the stress that my loving parents experienced. When I was 13, a surgery meant to fix his heart went wrong, and he died. When we lost him, our beautiful family circle was broken, and so was I. I gained 30 pounds that year and spent the rest of high school dieting. College was one long binge, until I found FA. Today, I’m married, raising two college-aged children – one transgender, one autistic – and caring for elderly parents. Life is full, imperfect, and deeply meaningful. For over thirty-five years now, I've maintained my right-sized body by asking my Higher Power for help—not just with food, but with life itself. My Higher Power has a perfect track record: every time I surrender to God's will, I get to live a beautiful life.

In my Italian American family, everything revolved around food. I ate when I was happy, sad, lonely, or scared – and most of the time I was all four. My mom didn't want me to have the struggles with weight that she always had, so whenever she joined a commercial weight loss program (and she joined them all), she would drag me with her. She meant well, but every new plan just made me feel more broken. She would pack me embarrassing diet lunches to bring to school that were quite different from what the other children were eating.

On the outside, I smiled and kept dieting; on the inside, I binged in secret and drowned in shame. When I did lose weight, I'd immediately gain it back. I was 250 pounds when I graduated from high school. By the time I was thirty-one, I weighed 325, had diabetes, and hated myself. Fasting and starvation, alcohol, cocaine, pills, more diet programs – I tried it all to control my eating, but control was never the answer. On a sweltering August evening, I walked into my first Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meeting drenched in sweat, having tried to hide my body under a heavy raincoat. I was terrified – and desperate. That night, I heard the word “hope.” Recovery didn’t just change my body, it transformed my life.

Then, after twelve years of abstinence, I got cocky. My addiction sneaked back in – and for the next two years, I returned to food, alcohol, and drugs. I was so ashamed and too proud to be honest with myself. Eventually, I returned to FA and got abstinent again. I found a new purpose, got married, retired from my job, and began volunteering with drug addicts. Today, at 66 years old, my weight has remained steady for several decades at about 130 pounds. I’m healthy, free, and grateful beyond measure.