Flawed apples

Ever meet someone’s family and think, ah, that explains everything?

Mum, Col, and his eldest son Deakin came to visit us in Wellington. Our collective Fink quirks, gathered in the McKay family home (portmanteau options include FcKay or McKink, pronounced with relish), were suddenly much more visible to me than usual.

We like to imagine we’re all unique, self-made individuals. But truthfully, most of us are just slightly modified versions of our parents. Flawed apples rolling a short distance from the tree.

Meeting the tree, as it were, can be enlightening.

Annoying traits become more forgivable when you see them in siblings and parents. At least that’s what I hoped as I watched Col unknowingly commit Finkish faux pas I’ve spent years trying to adjust in myself.

That doesn’t excuse any of us from doing the work. From knowing ourselves and taking what friend of the show Di Foster calls radical responsibility. I love that phrase.

But we’re all deeply flawed humans, requiring constant forgiveness. David Whyte’s poem on friendship might be the best articulation ever written of what enduring relationships truly demand.

At the very least, if you find someone a bit annoying but want to keep liking them, meet their family.