Fastest Way to Promote Change? Don't Focus on Change for Alienated Parents

Are you an alienated parent feeling stuck in pain, waiting for things to change before you can heal? In this episode, Shelby Milford reveals the surprising truth about suffering—and how acceptance, not external change, is the key to reclaiming your peace, power, and purpose. Tune in to discover how to break free from the cycle of resistance and start building a meaningful life, right now.

Key Points

• The longing for things to be different is deeply human, especially for alienated parents.
• Suffering is not caused by alienation, your ex, or the legal system—but by the stories and resistance in your own mind.
• Focusing on changing external circumstances postpones your happiness and reinforces helplessness.
• Acceptance of the present moment is the foundation for healing and growth.
• Letting go of resistance frees up energy to invest in yourself, your interests, and your future.
• Small daily stories and judgments contribute to overall suffering—awareness is the first step to change.
• Acceptance does not mean approval or giving up; it means reclaiming your agency and power in the present.

Notable Quotes

• “All of our suffering, all of it, each and every one of us, is as a result of the thoughts that we're thinking.”
• “Your attempts to change the way that you're feeling on the inside by changing the outside are a waste of energy.”
• “Happiness, or whatever emotions that you're looking for, are all available to you right now, even in the middle of this messy, grief-filled experience of alienation.”
• “Acceptance is the practice of letting go of your fight against reality. That's all it is.”
• “The answer is accepting what is in order to be present in the moment so you can invest yourself in today—because today is all you have.”

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:33 Setting the Scene: Personal Updates

01:12 The Longing for Change

02:51 The real source of suffering

03:56 How Resistance Keeps You Stuck

05:41 Acceptance as the Beginning of Change

08:31 Real-Life Examples and Personal Stories

12:51 The Power of Perception and Daily Judgments

16:51 Acceptance and Present Moment Awareness

33:30 Practical steps to shift from suffering to healing

36:00 Final thoughts and encouragement