In this episode of Estranged and Deranged, we talk about one of the most painful layers of family estrangement: losing a relationship with your grandchildren.

This conversation goes beyond missing your adult child. We get into the unique grief grandparents carry when memories fade, milestones are missed, and a connection they helped build is suddenly cut off. We also talk about the emotional toll, the silence, the anger, the hope, and a few ways grandparents can still hold space for the grandchildren they love.

If you are walking through estrangement and grandparent loss, this episode is for you.

More resources, support, and episodes at estrangedandderanged.net

00:00 Welcome back to Estranged and Deranged
01:18 Kid comment of the week
05:10 Why this kind of loss cuts so deep
08:32 When estrangement takes your grandchildren too
12:40 The grief of missed memories and milestones
17:08 The anger, helplessness, and silence
21:36 “They’re not your kids” and why that still hurts
26:18 Grandparents’ rights and the hard truth
31:05 Ways grandparents try to cope
36:12 What this loss teaches us about family
40:22 Final thoughts and encouragement

What happens when estranged parents stop begging for contact?

In this episode of the Estranged & Deranged Podcast, Candy and Chris dive into one of the hardest phases of family estrangement — the moment when parents stop chasing, begging, emailing, texting, and trying to fix the relationship.

Many estranged parents believe that if they just apologize enough, try harder, or reach out one more time, their child will come back. But what actually happens when that cycle finally stops?

Candy and Chris share the emotional reality that follows:
• the silence
• the emotional vacuum
• the grief that resurfaces
• and the surprising dignity and freedom that can follow

They also read real responses from estranged parents who shared what happened after they stopped chasing their adult children.

This episode explores self-respect, boundaries, grief, identity, and the difficult journey of rebuilding a life after estrangement.

If you're navigating estrangement, please know you are not alone.

⚠️ Reminder: We are not therapists. We are parents speaking from lived experience.

Resources & Support

🌐 Website
https://estrangedandderanged.net

💬 Join the Support Community
Search Facebook for When They Walk Away

❤️ Support the podcast on Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged

00:00 Intro
01:05 Comment of the Week (YouTube comment reaction)
05:20 “Just apologize” criticism discussion
09:30 The reality of parenting reflection
12:10 Episode topic: What happens after begging stops
15:00 Why begging becomes a habit
18:30 The illusion of control
22:00 The emotional vacuum
25:30 Checking emails, texts, and social media
28:40 The turning point: self-respect
32:10 Real responses from estranged parents
36:45 The silence after begging stops
41:30 Emotional whiplash and grief
46:10 Finding dignity again
50:00 Rebuilding identity and life
55:00 Redirecting your energy
59:00 Practical steps to stop begging
1:03:00 Support group and resources
1:05:30 Closing thoughts

Podcast Episode 13
Family estrangement is painful, confusing, and often misunderstood. In this episode of Estranged & Deranged, we explore one of the most difficult parts of estrangement that many parents experience but rarely talk about openly: loyalty conflicts inside families.
What happens when an estranged adult child cuts off one parent but stays connected to siblings, extended family, or even the parent who wasn’t present during their upbringing? How does loyalty shift inside families when estrangement happens? And what does it feel like when everyone around you still has access to your child or grandchildren… except you?
Candi and Chris share real experiences navigating family estrangement, including stories about siblings caught in the middle, grandchildren being removed from relationships, and the emotional toll of watching family members maintain connections while you are shut out.
This episode also builds on the powerful conversation from Episode 12, where we spoke with an estranged father about his experience and how estrangement can impact fathers differently than mothers.
If you are navigating family estrangement, adult child estrangement, estranged parent relationships, or grandparent estrangement, this episode will resonate with you.
Candi and Chris speak from lived experience, not clinical expertise. They are not therapists. They are two parents sharing honest conversations about the realities of estrangement and creating a space where these stories can finally be heard.

Resources & Website
Visit our website for more resources, podcast episodes, and ways to connect:
https://www.estrangedandderanged.net
On the website you can find:
• All Estranged & Deranged podcast episodes
• Support resources for estranged parents
• Upcoming workshops and events
• Opportunities to share your story
• Ways to connect with the community

Join Our Community
If you’re looking for support from others who understand estrangement, join our Facebook community:
When They Walk Away
We host a weekly Zoom support meeting every Wednesday evening where estranged parents and grandparents can connect, share experiences, and support each other through this journey.
You are not alone in this.

Chapters
0:00 Welcome Back – Episode 13
0:45 Why This Episode Connects to Episode 12
1:40 Our Disclaimer – We’re Not Therapists
2:20 Comment of the Week (The Eyeliner Debate)
4:30 Dealing With Online Critics and Trolls
5:40 Today’s Topic: Loyalty in Family Estrangement
7:00 Candy’s Story – When an Estranged Son Reaches Out to a Sibling
10:00 Feeling Hurt When Loyalty Feels Broken
12:15 Protecting Your Heart From Information That Hurts
14:30 When Estranged Adult Children Go In and Out of Relationships
16:45 Is Estrangement Sometimes About Power and Control?
18:30 When Families Stay Connected Except to One Parent
20:30 Chris’s Story – Being Cut Off From Grandchildren
22:45 Seeing Grandkids Through Social Media
24:20 When Estranged Children Cut Off Everyone
26:00 Loyalty Conflicts Between Parents and Family Members
27:30 Why Some Estranged Children Reconnect With Absent Parents
28:40 Finding Support and Community
29:20 Final Thoughts – You Matter

#estrangement #estrangedparents #familyestrangement #estrangedmother #estrangedfather #nocontactfamily #estrangedfamily #toxicfamily #familyhealing #estrangedandderanged

Episode 12 is one of our most important conversations yet.

For the first time, we’re joined by a father.

Joe shares what it’s like to be blindsided by estrangement after a completely normal lunch with his daughter. No warning. No argument. Just a text filled with words like “toxic” and “respect my boundaries.”

He hasn’t spoken to her since April 24, 2024.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Being cut off without explanation
• When one parent is estranged but the other still has contact
• The strain on marriage when loyalty feels divided
• Missing a grandchild you’ve never met
• The first year of shock and grief
• Whether begging for contact ever helps
• What resilience really looks like

Research shows many adult children who go no contact are estranged from their fathers. Yet in our 10,000-member community, men make up only about 2 percent.

This episode matters.

If you are a parent navigating estrangement, you are not alone. We see you. We hear you. And we will continue giving parents a voice.

Visit estrangedandderanged.net for support resources and live event information.

It makes you feel small.
It makes you feel desperate.
It makes you question your dignity.

So why do estranged parents keep doing it?

In Episode 11 of Estranged & Deranged, Chris and Candi take on one of the most painful and misunderstood phases of parental estrangement: begging.

The texts that go unanswered.
The emails sent into silence.
The apologies for everything.
The panic that says, “Fix this before you lose them forever.”

This is not a conversation about weakness. It is a conversation about survival mode.

When attachment is threatened, the nervous system reacts. Begging can become an attempt to restore connection, reduce uncertainty, and quiet the fear of permanent loss. But what happens when the reaching out only deepens the hurt?

In this episode, we discuss:

• The psychology behind begging
• Why being “left on read” keeps parents stuck
• The emotional cost of shrinking yourself
• Power dynamics in estrangement
• When begging delays acceptance
• What it feels like to finally stop

This is real talk from lived experience. No sugarcoating. No professional titles. Just two women having the conversations most people avoid.

If you are an estranged parent struggling with when to stop reaching out, this episode is for you.

You cannot spend the next decade on your knees trying to prevent a possibility. If they come back, you want to meet them standing up.

Website: https://estrangedandderanged.net
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged

Subscribe so you never miss an episode.

Parental estrangement is more common than people realize — but the moment you say the word “estranged,” the room goes quiet.

In Episode 10 of Estranged and Deranged, we talk about what really happens when estrangement enters everyday conversations. The silence. The judgment. The forced optimism. The comments that try to minimize something deeply painful.

We also respond to this week’s “Comment of the Week,” where accusations of “not taking accountability” surface yet again — something many estranged parents hear regularly.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why people get uncomfortable when estrangement is mentioned
• The stigma around estranged parents
• Being accused of seeking sympathy
• The emotional impact of phrases like “They’ll come around”
• Why “At least they’re alive” doesn’t land the way people think it does
• How estrangement affects grandparents and extended family
• Why silence doesn’t heal family estrangement

If you are navigating estrangement from an adult child and feel misunderstood, judged, or minimized, this conversation is for you.

You are not alone.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Welcome + Episode 10
02:00 Comment of the Week: “Take Accountability”
07:30 Accused of Seeking Sympathy
12:00 When Estrangement Enters the Room
18:00 Grief vs. Estrangement
24:00 Real-Life Social Reactions
31:00 “They’ll Come Around”
35:00 “At Least They’re Alive”
39:00 Judgment, Pity & Discomfort
43:00 Why We Refuse to Stay Silent
48:00 Support for Estranged Parents + Closing

🔗 CONNECT WITH US

🌐 Website:
https://estrangedandderanged.net

📚 Books on estrangement and grief are available directly on our website.

🤝 Join our private Facebook support group:
When They Walk Away – A Support Group for Estranged Parents

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1110184627625310

💛 Support the podcast on Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged

Early access and additional content available for members.

In this episode of Estranged & Deranged, Candi and Chris take on one of the most damaging and oversimplified narratives in estrangement conversations: the idea that if an adult child is estranged, they were automatically abused or neglected by their parents.
Sparked by real comments, social media posts, and statements made by licensed professionals online, this episode challenges the growing belief that estrangement and abuse are interchangeable. Candi and Chris explain why this mindset is not only inaccurate, but harmful, especially to those who experienced real, severe abuse.
Drawing from lived experience, decades of professional work in child welfare, and years of supporting estranged parents, this conversation explores how the word abuse has been diluted, misused, and applied without context, nuance, or individual examination.
In this episode, we discuss:
Why estrangement does NOT automatically equal abuse
How social media and therapy culture have blurred critical definitions
The difference between abuse, conflict, hardship, and imperfect parenting
How perception and memory shape lived experience
Why estranged parents are often labeled the villain by default
The impact of misusing the word abuse on those who truly need help
Why accountability, reflection, and grief can exist at the same time
This episode is not about denying pain.
It is about restoring meaning, logic, and humanity to a conversation that has become extreme and polarized.
If you are an estranged parent, an adult child trying to understand complex family dynamics, or someone navigating ambiguous loss, this episode offers perspective that is often missing from mainstream discussions.

00:00 Welcome to Estranged & Deranged
01:45 The Comment That Sparked This Episode
05:10 Why Estranged Parents Are Labeled the Villain
08:20 Does Estrangement Automatically Mean Abuse?
11:40 When the Word “Abuse” Loses Its Meaning
15:30 Therapy Culture and Defining Abuse
19:40 Real Abuse vs Hard Family Life
23:30 Extreme Examples and Where the Line Gets Crossed
27:40 Perception, Memory, and Different Childhood Experiences
31:00 Accountability, Dialogue, and Final Thoughts
33:40 Support Groups, Resources, and Where to Find Us

🎧 Listen or Watch on Your Favorite Platform

🎥 YouTube
https://youtu.be/I4kvdb3Vbjs

🎧 Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/6TNAH4oNdGKE6cCCvW7r6C

🍎 Apple Podcasts
https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/estranged-and-deranged/id1865706449

🎶 Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/84d2c2d7-6b9f-4744-abf0-a7b361107acf

🌐 Connect With Estranged & Deranged

Website:
https://estrangedandderanged.net

Patreon (early access, bonus content, and community support):
https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged

Stan Store (resources, links, and recommended content):
https://stan.store/candilcan_328

🔔 Subscribe for more conversations about:
family estrangement, estranged parents, parental grief, ambiguous loss, accountability, healing, communication, and navigating complex family relationships.

Episode Overview

In Episode 8, Chris and Candi return with a refreshed setup and introduce an exciting new chapter for the podcast, welcoming their new producer, Maranda Taylor.

The conversation quickly moves into one of the most difficult and misunderstood aspects of estrangement: the belief that parents should carry their pain quietly, take full blame, and remain silent. Chris and Candi speak openly about what it feels like to be challenged publicly, judged without context, and told that parental grief is invalid.

This episode explores the damaging cultural narrative that estranged parents are automatically at fault and therefore do not deserve empathy, voice, or grief. Together, they challenge the idea that accountability and pain cannot coexist and affirm that multiple truths can exist at the same time.

🕒 Episode Breakdown & Key Moments

(0:00–1:30)

• Welcome to Episode 8
• New setup and improved production
• Introduction of the podcast’s new producer
• Lighthearted banter about the show’s name

(1:30–3:30)

• Explanation of the weekly “Comment of the Week”
• Why these comments matter
• The importance of parents having a voice

(3:30–9:00)

• Candi shares a public comment that crossed the line
• Assumptions about accountability and parenting
• Addressing the myth that estranged parents refuse reflection
• Clarifying that one estranged relationship does not define all relationships

(9:00–12:00)

• Accountability, therapy, and introspection
• Emotional impact of being publicly labeled and dismissed

(12:00–16:00)

• Core topic: what society thinks parents should do with their pain
• Why the narrative demands silence
• How multiple truths can exist at once

(16:00–19:30)

• Society’s discomfort with complexity
• Pressure on parents to “just move on”
• Why estrangement grief is different

(19:30–21:30)

• Mental and emotional toll of estrangement
• Identity loss as a parent
• Why silence can be dangerous

(21:30–24:30)

• Why parental pain is minimized
• Guilt, shame, and the villain narrative

(24:30–28:30)

• Therapy expectations and responsibility dynamics
• Adult-to-adult communication
• Accountability as a shared responsibility

(28:30–End)

• Final reflections on boundaries and humanity
• Affirmation that parents are allowed to feel pain
• Closing thoughts on voice and healing

💬 Key Themes

• Parental grief and ambiguous loss
• Accountability versus automatic blame
• Society’s discomfort with parental pain
• Identity loss after estrangement
• Healing without silence
• The right to speak your truth

🤍 Support the Podcast & Stay Connected

If Estranged & Deranged resonates with you and you want to support the podcast and stay connected, there are a few ways to join us.

🔗 Visit the official website:
https://estrangedandderanged.net
Learn more about the podcast, upcoming episodes, resources, and the mission behind the conversations.

🤍 Join us on Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink
Patreon is where you can directly support the podcast, access exclusive content, and help sustain this space for estranged parents who deserve voice, compassion, and community.

🤍Check Out Our Stan Stores:
https://stan.store/griefandhealingwithchris
https://stan.store/candilcan_328

🎧 Listener Takeaway

You can take accountability and still grieve.
You can reflect and still feel pain.
Silence is not healing, and grief does not require permission.