Episode 7: Mothering, post separation abuse, and the legal system

In this episode, we talk about how men’s abuse profoundly impacts mothering and how that abuse so often continues after separation through the legal system.

We begin by reflecting on our own experiences of being mothered and mothering, grounding us in the reality that parenting is never meant to be done alone. From there, we explore how abusive men undermine women’s ability to parent authentically, forcing mothers into impossible double binds – being told they are too strict or too soft, never able to simply respond to their children’s needs without fear of retaliation or escalation.

We discuss how men’s abuse drains the emotional and practical energy of the household, leaving women carrying the vast majority of parenting and domestic labor while also trying to protect their children from harm. We challenge the deeply ingrained belief that a man can be abusive to a woman and still be a “good father,” and we name how children are inevitably impacted when they witness control, intimidation, and disrespect toward their mother.

We also speak to the ways children may imitate abusive behaviors, not because they are abusive themselves, but because they have been burdened with harmful attitudes and tactics learned from their father.

Read the rest of the show notes.

If this information has brought you to feeling like you need further support, here are a few available resources:

• Alison Epp, counselling
• Jo Neill, counselling
• The When Love Hurts website lists their active support groups throughout Canada and provides many articles for further reading.
• 211 is an emergency mental health number in Canada that can be called at any time and they can connect you with available local resources.
• If you still cannot find what you are looking for, please connect with us by email.