Episode 6: The harms of help

Services can repeat dynamics of abuse. In this episode we explore the concept of "harms of help" – the negative experiences women have with the very people and services meant to support them.

This concept came from our research, where over 250 women were asked about what barriers they faced when seeking support. Many women described to us how the support they sought through services and professionals paradoxically added to initial harms of the abuse, rather than helped. Women observed that the treatment by service providers can mirror the control dynamics of their abusive partner. For example, women described harmful experiences with:

• Courts that favor fathers regardless of his violence
• Police who label situations as “mutual conflict.”
• Shelters with rules that exclude vulnerable women.
• Child welfare systems that dismiss disclosures and blame mothers.
• Healthcare providers who offer judgment instead of support
• Helpers that favour or take the side of the abusive man and blame women.
• Counselors who fail to recognize abuse or focus on “relationship skills” instead of safety.

When these responses ignore the abuse, it embolden the abusive partner, compounds the harms of the abuse, and increases women’s isolation.

Read the rest of the show notes, here.

For helpers and professionals, here's a reminder to anyone supporting women:

• Recognize the power you hold.
• Avoid replicating dynamics of control.
• Listen more than you speak.
• Believe women.
• Keep women in control of their own process.
• Understand that systems can create vulnerability.

Closing notes

• For more information, visit whenlovehurts.ca.
• Listeners are invited to join the #WLHCommunity and help spread the message.
• The hosts also thank MCC Canada for supporting Season 1 and welcome sponsors for future seasons.