Episode 230: How to Build Resilience By Questioning the Status Quo, with Victoria Lenormand

“I realized I was battling in a system that valued the system over the child — and that was a big wake-up call.”

~Victoria Lenormand, Former Police Detective, Founder of Gemini Directions and Author of The Magic of Not Fitting In

Have you ever felt like you just didn't fit in? Occasionally, and especially during the teenage years, everyone feels like they don't belong.

But how would you manage feeling like that every day? And if you were a parent watching your child struggling with such feelings, how would you help them (and you) through it?

Victoria Lenormand is a former police detective from the U.K. who has used her acute skill set to help her autistic son navigate a world where he doesn't always "fit" within the systems society has in place. Victoria's journey from investigation to advocacy revealed the cracks in systems designed to serve but not always to see the individuals they are meant to help. Once her son was diagnosed with autism, Victoria found herself confronting institutions that valued rules and systems over people. That moment became a call to tap into resilience with courage as she began to ask questions and challenge the status quo with compassion and clarity.

Recognizing an ever evolving diverse population within her community, Victoria pushed for growth and change through flexiblity, observation and adaptation. Further, she openly advocated modeling mistakes for children and embracing imperfection, thus empowering parents, educators, and leaders to take small, intentional steps toward changing systems to better serve communities.

Victoria reminds us that "we're better when we're together," offering everyone the chance to shine their own brilliant light through differences to build vibrant communities. Her book, The Magic of Not Fitting In, invites us to celebrate diversity as a source of strength. By shifting focus from fixing those who are different to understanding, adapting and learning, she shows how true brilliance is revealed not in conformity, but in compassion, curiosity, connection and the willingness to institute change.

Learn more about Victoria here and tune in for more of her wisdom on this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:

• “I realized I was battling in a system that valued the system over the child — and that was a big wake-up call.”

• “Our children don’t fit the narrative, so we have to create another narrative.”

• “When the community shows itself to be diverse, the system can’t respond if it remains the way it is.”

• “If a child is in trauma in that environment, it’s not for us to critique their resilience — it’s for us to meet the need.”

• “Resilience...is the ability to flex, to step back, and to ask better questions.”

• “We don’t develop resilience from the comfort place — we develop it through the rough stuff.”

• “Let me model mistakes for you. Learn to laugh at yourself. You don’t have to measure everything as a pass or fail.”

• “Maybe if we focus first on helping children discover who they are — and make that okay — we’ll start to see real growth.”

• “We’re better when we’re together. Diversity should be echoed in our systems, not othered by them.”

Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran