Episode 17: "From Performance To Presence: Escaping The Need To Be Liked"

“From Performance To Presence: Escaping The Need To Be Liked”
Episode Overview

What changes when you stop performing for approval, and start living from a quieter, truer center?

In this episode, Kevin and Joe unpack a powerful Alan Watts passage that names what many men feel in midlife but struggle to explain: the usual way of connecting stops making sense. You don’t hate people. You’re not “better than.” You simply can’t keep participating in conversations built on status, gossip, and shared illusions.

They explore what happens when a man begins to see the hidden performance underneath everyday interaction, the need to be liked, to belong, to say the right thing, and how stepping back isn’t loneliness. It’s the space between who you used to be and who you’re becoming.

Along the way, Joe connects this inner shift to his triathlon journey: long hours of training alone, learning what’s real, what can’t be faked, and what it means to endure discomfort without needing an audience.

Why listen

This is an episode for the man who feels himself pulling away and isn’t sure if it means something is wrong, or something is finally becoming honest.

Kevin and Joe give language to the internal transition from performance to presence, and remind you that this is a normal part of waking up. They also offer a grounded perspective: meaning deepens when you stop chasing approval, stop pretending, and start choosing relationships and rituals that are real.

If you’ve been feeling less interested in shallow connection, more protective of your time, and more aware of what’s false in yourself and your environment, this conversation will make you feel seen.

Key Quotes

“Loneliness does not come from not having people around you, but being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”

“He didn’t cut ties. He didn’t burn bridges. He simply stopped pretending.”

“It’s not loneliness, just space between who he used to be and who he’s becoming.”

“People might still wave… but the connection is no longer there because it was never real to begin with.”

“Faith is what keeps you going through the unknown in the belief that there’s something better on the other side.”

Main Topics Covered

1. Alan Watts on awakening and pulling away from the crowd
2. Why the “usual way of connecting” can stop making sense in midlife
3. Performance, approval-seeking, and the need to be liked
4. The difference between solitude and loneliness
5. Carl Jung’s view: loneliness as an inability to share what matters
6. Triathlon training as real solitude: no headphones, no distractions, no faking it
7. Why discipline earns respect in a world of curated images
8. Breaking consumer patterns and cultural “shared illusions”
9. Legacy, family values, and choosing experiences over stuff
10. The role of faith when you’re between identities and outcomes aren’t clear
11. Why men need deeper...