Episode 137 - The Male Loneliness Epidemic in Eden

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Moroni kicked things off with a warm, spicy beverage that matched the theological temperature of the episode: the Naked and Not Ashamed. This hot cocktail combined spiced rum, Porter’s fire whiskey (of course), and dusty apple cider, garnished with cinnamon and a side of celestial sass. It was named for the Adam-and-Eve-just-vibing moment at the end of Abraham 5—before things went full snake oil. The intro spiraled into classic chaos: pickled pico de gallo revelations, impromptu soup grief counseling, a tribute to Catherine O’Hara, and a surprisingly intense breakdown of the man cold-industrial complex.

Scriptures: [00:33:01]

Claudia dove into Abraham 5 with enough sarcasm to reanimate Joseph’s skull. The segment opened with a well-earned sigh over the Gods’ celestial group project, where “counseled among themselves” is repeated like someone got stuck in a Joseph Smith Mad Lib. Claudia highlighted the total narrative collapse of time: are we planning creation, doing it, recapping it, or just gossiping about it in the break room? Hard to say. The naming of animals got its due as Adam’s big weed-fueled improv bit—naming a cow “Trevor” and a tree “Steve Kevin” while naked and doing the windmill. She also took aim at the absurdity of Adam naming every creature (with gummy-enhanced efficiency, obviously), and the petty divine HR meeting that decided man was too sad alone to function. The rib moment was framed as celestial Build-a-Bear surgery—with a side of CPR through the nostrils. A+ biblical horror comedy.

Church Teachings: [00:58:05]

aaaAAAaaa tackled the apologetics of Adam’s rib like a scalpel to celestial bone structure. The segment traced how modern LDS leaders (Kimball, Holland, Nelson, etc.) have backtracked the rib narrative into pure symbolism—emphasizing equality, “side-by-side partnership,” and definitely-not-anatomically-incorrect metaphors. She also dug into the gross little detour some 19th-century LDS thinkers took, suggesting Eve was a literal clone made from Adam’s rib marrow (DNA science, but make it horny and spiritually sanctioned masturbation). Then came the Jewish takes, where it turns out “rib” probably meant “side” all along and one Talmudic reading says God just split Adam in half like a cosmic starfish. aaaAAAaaa mourned the missed opportunity of Joseph Smith not adapting the apocrypha (where Lilith and other batshit options live), and eviscerated the cowardice of churches who now retroactively label metaphors only once they’re impossible to defend. Final takeaway: it’s always a metaphor—until it’s not, and then it was a metaphor all along.

History: [01:17:48]

Abigail delivered a full scorched-earth roast of Orson Scott Card and his aggressively Mormon sci-fi empire. She started with a childhood memory of being way too far into The Memory of Earth before realizing “Nafai” was just Nephi in space drag. Then she walked through the entire Homecoming Saga (aka the Book of Mormon with names run through a Dune generator) including Wetchik (Lehi), Ellemak and Mebaqe (Layman and Lemuel), Zdoreb (Zoram), and the brass-ball Liahona analog. The plot is beat-for-beat BOM, but in space: fleeing Jerusalem/Basilica, building a spaceship/boat, sibling drama, desert wandering, and obedience-as-endgame. She even covered Card’s Tales of Alvin Maker series

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