Episode 121 - Jesus Wanted Them for Sunbeams

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aaaAAAaaa mixes up the Spiritual Babylon—a chaotic purple concoction of red wine, blue Gatorade, sparkling water, and lime juice. It’s as irreverent as its name, embodying the apocalyptic party vibe of Joseph’s “flee Babylon” rants. The crew spirals into tangents about cursed sodas, root beer theology, and which modern beverage most deserves divine wrath.

Scriptures: [00:20:12]
Moroni takes on D&C 133, the appendix that overstayed its welcome. This revelation is essentially Joseph Smith running a second lap around the apocalypse track: Saints must leave Babylon, continents are prophesied to squish back into Pangea, and Christ arrives drenched in grape blood, stomping the nations like a cosmic vintner. The lost tribes get teased again (hidden in the north? hollow earth? still waiting). Moroni notes how this reads less like scripture and more like a Michael Bay script—complete with fire, earthquakes, and zombie ancestors showing up for one last sealing session.

Church Teachings: [00:39:36]
Abish dives into how the church spins D&C 133 into missionary zeal, pulling on its “preach to all the world” threads. From the mission call “inspiration” lottery, to the infamous white handbook (aka the white Bible), to the lived realities of missionary danger—injuries, accidents, violence, and the bizarre “manacled Mormon” scandal—the segment unpacks the culty control mechanisms in missions. She also covers modern shifts like online-only missions, turning proselytizing into a call-center hustle. It’s equal parts tragic, absurd, and all-too-real.

History: [01:18:06]
Abigail dives deep into the Lafferty family, the Provo clan made infamous in Under the Banner of Heaven. Outwardly picture-perfect—strict patriarch, many kids, Eagle Scouts, mission service—but inside: abuse, control, and eventual radicalization. Ron and Dan Lafferty declared themselves prophets, set up a School of the Prophets, and produced a so-called “removal revelation” that ordered the deaths of Brenda Lafferty and her infant daughter. Abigail walks through how toxic patriarchy, fundamentalism, and fragile masculinity fused into a murderous ideology. It’s a harrowing look at how Mormon theology, when pushed to extremes, bleeds into violence.

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