Episode 119 - Yo Whaddup, Sky Baby Guy, Put 'Er There

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Abish opens the episode with a triple threat of chaos: three different shots, each one progressively more unhinged than the last. The Devil Went Down to Susquehanna is a fiery nod to Joseph’s early river baptism days. Keys to the Kingdom hits like a priesthood ordination gone wrong. And The Voice from the Heavens? Let’s just say it leaves you speaking in tongues—or maybe slurring them. Fueled by this liquid sacrament, the hosts dive into an awards-show-style game complete with categories like Most Unhinged Utah Baby Name, Best Girls Camp MLM Pitch, and Best Mormon Loophole Sex Position. It’s a red carpet event for Mormon absurdity.

Scriptures: [00:37:38]
aaaAAAaaa takes us through D&C 128–131 and reads three of them straight because these sections are self-parody at this point. Section 128 is Joseph Smith’s attic-era magnum opus: an over-the-top epistle introducing baptisms for the dead, with a side of heavenly red tape and the Book of Mormon’s first Latin flex. It’s part travelogue, part musical number, part legal notice to all of heaven. We get rivers, mountains, angels, choirs of the dead, and enough dramatic imagery to fill a Broadway stage. Sections 129–131 keep the weird going, from secret handshakes to tell angels from demons, to the idea that resurrected beings have bodies but spirits don’t (don’t overthink it), to celestial marriage being the ultimate graduation ceremony. The takeaway? Joe’s in hiding but his imagination is running wild.

Church Teachings: [01:07:22]
The church teachings segment leans into the theological aftermath of these sections—how the LDS Church today frames baptisms for the dead, temple ordinances, and that obsession with keys (spiritual and otherwise). We also get into the church’s obsession with authority and ritual correctness, and how every “key” seems to come with a new set of rules, requirements, and reasons for why you’re probably doing it wrong. It’s a masterclass in how an attic epistle became a multi-billion-dollar temple construction program.

History: [01:23:20]
Abigail continues her Fundie Files series with part two of the Jeffs saga. This chapter finishes the rise of Rulon Jeffs, patriarch of the FLDS dynasty. Rulon’s leadership style combined authoritarian control with prolific polygamy, solidifying a hierarchy that placed him as both prophet and family overlord. Abigail unpacks how this groundwork allowed his successor, Warren Jeffs, to centralize even more power, turning the church into a near-totalitarian cult. The road to Warren’s reign is paved with manipulation, religious absolutism, and, frankly, some of the creepiest family dynamics in Mormon fundamentalism.

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