Episode 118 - Squish Me, Sky Daddy

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aaaAAAaaa serves up the Epistle Fizz, a bubbly concoction for the prophet on the run. Inspired by Joseph Smith’s hiding-in-the-attic-era letter-writing spree, this champagne-based drink has the spiritual energy of a brunch prophet dictating ordinances in exile. The segment spirals gloriously, covering everything from champagne economics to Chuck Mangione’s devastating backstory, with a side of ✨ trauma fizz ✨. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll maybe start a new dispensation in a crawlspace.

Scriptures: [00:33:55]

Moroni makes his glorious return—now remote, but still Moroni as hell. He walks us through D&C 125–127, where Joseph Smith is ducking the law and trying to micromanage Zion from a secret attic. The Saints are told to settle Zarahemla, Iowa (yes, that’s real), while Brigham Young finally gets permission to go home and maybe do laundry. We also get the first formal mention of baptism for the dead, which Joseph introduces like, “Oh hey, this is a totally normal thing now.” All of it comes in the form of letters dictated like scripture from the world’s most paranoid Airbnb tenant. There’s bureaucracy, veiled threats, and a healthy dose of delusional optimism. Just another Tuesday in Restoration land.

Church Teachings: [00:49:54]

Abish explores the church’s weird, codependent relationship with suffering. Why do Mormons treat hardship like a virtue? Why is enduring pain seen as proof of righteousness? In this segment, she breaks down how Church rhetoric has long framed suffering as spiritually productive—even desirable. Drawing on talks, manuals, and vibes, she critiques this theology of martyrdom and offers an alternative that doesn’t involve being gaslit by the Plan of Salvation. Saints deserve joy, not just refined anguish.

History: [01:31:40]

Abigail opens the Jeffs chapter of her fundamentalism series, and buckle up—it’s only getting darker from here. We begin with Rulon Jeffs, a fundie leader who systematized polygamy and spiritual authoritarianism, marrying dozens of women—including his own stepmothers—and grooming the path for his even creepier son, Warren. This segment unpacks the rise of the FLDS’s power structure and how Rulon’s death opened the door to Warren’s cultish reign of terror. It’s a sobering deep dive into the prophetic succession that turned fringe theology into institutionalized abuse.

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