Episode 107 - Mid-Century Mormon

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This week, the crew is drinking the Suffering Bastard (actual name, not just a guest host’s temple name)—a bourbon- and gin-forward ginger ale cocktail chosen by Moroni to match the saintly suffering in D&C 101. While Abigail recovers from passing a very spoinky kidney stone (RIP, Fucko), everyone reflects on party planning trauma, chaotic balloon arches, and whether it’s worse to have a birthday meltdown or be a 19th-century prophet with zoning issues. The drink is bold, spicy-adjacent (ginger ale), and layered—much like this episode.

Scriptures: [00:28:35]

aaaAAAaa drags us headlong through D&C 101, a 101-verse fever dream of persecution, barbecue-themed vengeance, and one extremely cursed parable about a vineyard full of olive trees (which is horticulturally incorrect, by the way). Joseph blames the saints’ suffering on their “transgressions” and then promises restoration, land-buying sprees, and divine hibachi justice. The bizarre parable involves a nobleman (read: God) who tells his servants (read: the saints) to build a tower. They don’t. Everything gets wrecked. God throws a tantrum. Moral of the story: always build the damn tower, even if the HOA is being a jerk about it. Bonus fun: God talks about his “bowels being stirred with mercy,” which is medically concerning.

Church Teachings: [00:44:35]

Abish breaks down what the church teaches about the U.S. Constitution, as referenced in verses 77–80 of D&C 101 (Mormons believe the Constitution is divinely inspired). And by “divinely inspired,” we mean Jesus apparently ghostwrote it between verses. Abish pulls receipts from talks by Dallin H. Oaks, Robert D. Hales, and the ghost of Ezra Taft Benson, all of whom treat the Constitution like scripture with a bald eagle watermark. But if religious freedom is so important, why are so many Utah Mormons riding the Trump train into fascist territory? This segment swings between optimism and unhinged rage as the crew points out the obvious hypocrisy: you can’t both worship freedom and back authoritarianism. You also can’t condemn coffee sippers while cheering on insurrectionists. Pick a lane, Saints.

History: [00:59:07]

Abigail brings us Saints of Tomorrow, Part 3: Cold War, Cold Storage, and it’s a banger. This week’s theme? Prepping, paranoia, and prophetic pantry advice. We dive into how LDS leaders like J. Reuben Clark turned Cold War anxieties into religious mandates about food storage, constitutional reverence, and the righteous stockpiling of wheat. Turns out Mormonism loved the Cold War, because nothing says “Second Coming” like atomic fire and powdered potatoes. We hear how food storage went from practical aid (shoutout Heber J. Grant and the original church welfare program) to a moral litmus test—if you don’t have a bucket of potato pearls in your basement, are you even exalted? Abigail also traces how that ever-popular “Constitution hanging by a thread” prophecy seeped from apocryphal LDS doctrine into MAGA talking points. It’s all wrapped up in equal parts nuclear dread, retro furniture lust, and Mormon doomsday horniness. Truly iconic.

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