Ep12: Treating Adults Like Children, Part 1 — How Churches Sometimes Create Dependency

CONTENT WARNING: This episode includes brief references to marital abuse and potentially dangerous situations. Listener discretion is encouraged. Please seek support if any of this resonates with you or someone you love.

Watch today’s conversation on our brand new Unhinged YouTube channel!

Here’s the spicy Facebook post Michele referenced at the beginning of this episode.

Check out Martin’s Deconstruction → Reconstruction Challenge on Skool.

Check out Martin’s books: Victorious Eschatology, Eyes Wide Open, and Secrets of Spiritual Growth.

Follow Michele and Martin on Facebook

Follow Michele and Martin on Instagram

Follow Michele and Martin on TikTok

Michele Kus, M.A. on Linktree

Dr. Martin Trench on Linktree

Why do so many smart, capable, life-experienced adults feel unsure making basic decisions without checking with a pastor first — and what does the Bible actually say about that?

In this episode of Unhinged: Separating Faith from Fiction, Michele Kus and Martin Trench name and explore a rarely acknowledged reality in modern church culture: the ways church systems can unintentionally infantilize adults by discouraging independent thought, personal conviction, and spiritual maturity.

Together, they unpack how well-meaning leadership can slide into spiritual micromanagement, creating dependence rather than formation. The conversation touches on learned helplessness, pastoral overreach, and why reliance on permission often gets mistaken for devotion.

Grounded in Scripture, Michele and Martin point listeners back to Romans 14 and Colossians 2, which emphasize personal conscience, freedom from manmade rules, and a mature faith rooted in Christ rather than external control.

They explore questions such as:

• Does the New Testament actually support pastors managing people’s personal decisions?
• What role does community play versus pastoral counseling?
• What does it look like to grow into spiritual adulthood — a faith marked by maturity, agency, discernment, and trust in God rather than pastoral approval or permission?

This episode includes thoughtful, compassionate discussion around marriage, pastoral counseling, and the real-world dangers of oversimplified spiritual advice in complex situations.

This is not an anti-church or anti-pastor episode! It’s a pro-maturity, pro-freedom, pro-formation invitation.

If you’re ready for a faith that equips you rather than manages you, this episode is for you.

Follow Unhinged on your favorite podcast platform. Fresh, new episodes drop every Friday!

Chapters:

00:00 Welcome to Unhinged: Separating Faith from Fiction!

02:13 Why Are Adults Treated Like Children in Church?

07:18 Spiritual Micromanagement & Learned Helplessness

15:48 Pastoral Counseling vs. Spiritual Community (“One Another”)

20:07 Marriage, Abuse, Divorce, & Honoring Human Agency

23:58 The Third Stage of Spiritual Growth: Adulthood

27:42 The Purpose of Church: Equip, Inform, Inspire

29:02 Final Thoughts, Resources, & Next Steps

30:45 Bloopers & Outtakes!