Ep. 293 - Nothing Happened Until the Pizza Orders Spiked - 01/06/2026
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Peaches Pit Party from Tuesday, January 6th, 2026 / Peaches opens the show untangling the extremely awkward Mickey Rourke GoFundMe saga, where a fundraiser allegedly created with his blessing suddenly becomes “humiliating,” “unauthorized,” and accompanied by an Instagram video featuring a pink shirt, a cowboy hat, and a confused dog. From there, the internet’s broken priorities take center stage as a massive international news story gets completely derailed by people obsessing over whether a captured world leader was wearing Nike Tech Fleece and which colorway it might be. Peaches then stumbles lovingly into nostalgia with the rise of Free Blockbuster boxes, proving society has come full circle back to DVDs in tiny blue kiosks and the quiet judgment of owning a VCR in 2026.
The episode rolls on with pregnancy cravings being treated like competitive sport, an NFL coaching bloodbath that leaves half the league unemployed, and a deeply unsettling realization that the New York Jets completed an entire season without intercepting a single pass. Peaches spirals into superstition after discovering the number one movie from his childhood might be predicting his future, questions why hundreds of people in Scotland gathered solely to watch someone volunteer for a painful public kick, and tries to wrap his head around robotic dogs with famous silicone faces dispensing AI art out of their backs at Art Basel. The logic only deteriorates further with a court headline that tries to label someone a “good father” while actively describing behavior that suggests otherwise, followed by a deep dive into the Pentagon Pizza Index and why a sudden spike in pepperoni orders may be the most reliable early warning system on Earth.
Things close out with a brutally honest list of socially legal behaviors that instantly make you unbearable, including grocery store food abandonment, public speaker scrolling, and internet pranks that absolutely should come with consequences. Finally, What the Headline delivers an all time classic as a runaway capuchin monkey goes on a crime spree through a Tennessee music store, turns the story into an interstate investigation, and leaves everyone involved questioning how this became part of their job description. It is a masterclass in modern nonsense, internet logic, and why society should maybe slow down for five minutes.
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