Ep. 292 - The Alaskan King Bed Is Bigger Than My Apartment - 01/05/2026

Peaches Pit Party from Monday, January 5th, 2026 / Peaches rolls into the show half-awake after a lunch break nap and immediately spirals into the impossible math of modern concert planning, weighing Ghost tickets against Bad Omens, Beartooth, and President like it’s a financial hostage negotiation disguised as a music calendar. From there, he tackles the extremely serious problem of being a tall human in a world built for average-sized beds, discovering that mattress companies have apparently gone rogue with California Kings, Texas Kings, and the deeply suspicious Alaskan King, all while wondering where on earth you’d even buy sheets for something that turns your bedroom into a padded gymnasium. Things take a turn into band economics when Peaches dissects the internet’s ongoing debate over incredible bands cursed with embarrassing merch, calling out bland camo shirts, outdated emo slogans, and designs clearly aimed at people who still think Hot Topic is a personality trait. He then overshares a recurring nightmare scenario involving webcams, Discord calls, and a bathroom door that absolutely should have been closed, before snapping back into gear with a Shot Clock Sports Update that includes Ole Miss fans verbally nuking Lane Kiffin while still accidentally helping him get richer, Shai Gilgeous Alexander collecting trophies like Infinity Stones, and Troy Aikman consulting for the Dolphins in a league where conflicts of interest are apparently more of a suggestion than a rule. The headlines keep getting stranger as Peaches explains how a Utah police department briefly reported an officer turning into a frog thanks to AI listening to Disney in the background, unpacks a tragic and unsettling mountain lion encounter in Colorado that somehow involved bystanders throwing rocks like it was a bad camping idea brainstorm, and marvels at Morrissey’s legendary ability to cancel concerts with a success rate that would get most employees fired. After spotlighting a night shift nursing job with Hire East Idaho, he detours to France, where an actual university trains real spies who don’t even use their real names, prompting an unexpected Agent Cody Banks nostalgia spiral. Travel anxiety ramps up when space junk reentering the atmosphere becomes yet another thing Peaches now has to worry about while flying, right before the show lands in Pennsylvania for a court case involving a convenience store beer fridge and a decision that permanently destroyed public trust in the phrase “food and nutrition director.” The episode wraps with a sobering but oddly relatable update on Mickey Rourke facing eviction and crowdsourcing rent money, a reminder that celebrity fades but landlords do not, closing out a show that somehow connects beds, merch tables, police reports, mountain lions, and falling satellites into one very specific Monday afternoon mental journey