Ep. 260: Surrogate Grandparents w/ Donna Skora

“If my grandson ever learns about me, it is my biggest hope that he’ll also learn how his existence shaped who I am—strengthening my kindness, deepening my compassion, and inspiring me to build a community rooted in connection, understanding, hope and love. Everything I created began with him." ~ Donna Skora

Donna Skora remembers the day she got the news that she and her husband, Rick, were going to be grandparents. They were ecstatic and excitedly counted down the days to their grandchild’s due date. When he arrived, circumstances prevented them from getting to the hospital to meet him at his birth, so they figured why not give mom and dad a chance to bond with their new baby and they’d surely get to meet the little guy soon enough.

But, soon enough never came. Shortly after their grandson’s arrival, Donna and Rick were left blindsided when their son and his wife completely cut ties with his entire side of the family, including his sister and their extended family. The news was broken to them in an aggressive text that read, “You have lost a son, a grandson, and a nephew,” followed by “grandparents have no rights.” No one was given any details, there were no updates, but worst of all, no one got to meet the newest member of their family. A profound sense of loss and confusion permeated the following weeks and months.

Donna, aware that their daughter-in-law had a son from her first marriage who was also estranged from his father’s side of the family, felt like she’d missed a vital warning sign. She went searching for answers and discovered that what she and her family were going through was not at all unique. Research uncovered that 38% of Americans are estranged from a family member and grandparent estrangement is becoming more common, affecting as many as 1 in 7 grandparents, as adult children are increasingly distancing themselves from their parents.

1 in 7 equates to roughly 10 million grandparents in the United States sharing some degree of Donna and Rick's pain. She felt she had to act, not only to navigate her own grief, but to be of aid to others in a similar situation. “I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself and wallow in self-pity, and that’s what I would have done if I had not become proactive. It’s too easy to get depressed if you don’t keep your mind active, so I did something to change my world and other peoples' worlds as well.”

That change started in January of 2015, when Donna created a Facebook group called Surrogate Grandparents - USA. Since then, the private group has grown to almost 14,000 members and has been featured on CBS Mornings. It provides the space for its members to actively do something about this aptly named “silent epidemic” by providing resources within the group to help connect volunteers and mentors with a child or family to create a supportive, grandparent-like relationship for the many who may not have local or living grandparents.

Donna’s simple act of advocacy has aided in the healing process for thousands of people. The group has expanded to include foster children who have aged out of the system and even contains a handful of “Surrogate Aunts and Uncles”. What’s more is that its members' have found a supportive community. Now their healing ripples out into the world in countless, positive ways.

“I may have lost a biological grandson, but I gained a vast community of people on the same journey as I am.”

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**Video broadcast available** on YouTube @imperfectbest

**Learn more about Jason Freeman** at AwkwardlyAwesome.com