Ep 19 People Pleasers and the Holidays: How to Say No Without the Guilt

Ever feel guilty saying "no" to food at family gatherings? You're full, but someone's standing there with pie, and suddenly you're managing their feelings instead of honoring your body. This episode unpacks the neuroscience behind people-pleasing, why food pushing happens, and how to set limits without the guilt. Includes science-backed strategies to rewire your brain. It's three weeks until Thanksgiving, and if you're already dreading the food pushers at your family gathering, this episode is for you.

In this episode:

• Why people push food (spoiler: it's never actually about the food)
• The neuroscience of people-pleasing: what's actually happening in your brain when you can't say no
• How your brain processes social rejection the same way it processes physical pain
• The "fawn response" and why saying yes became your survival strategy
• Why you can't access your own preferences under stress—and what to do about it
• A 4-level toolkit for declining food, from gentle redirects to firm limits
• The "take-home" strategy that honors both the cook and your fullness
• How neuroplasticity proves you can rewire your people-pleasing patterns
• Proactive strategies to set yourself up for success at gatherings

References:

• Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). "Why rejection hurts: a common neural alarm system for physical and social pain." Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(7), 294-300. [Research showing the anterior cingulate cortex activates during social rejection similarly to physical pain]
• Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). "How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world." European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009. [Study on habit formation showing an average of 66 days to form new automatic behaviors]
• Braiker, H. B. (2001). The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Your Challenge:

Practice saying "no thank you—I'm perfectly satisfied" in a low-stakes situation this week. Notice how it feels. Notice the discomfort. Do it anyway. Remember: you're literally building new neural pathways every time you honor your needs.

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Disclaimer:

The insights and tips shared in this podcast are based on my personal journey and are for informational and motivational purposes only. They are not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice. If you have specific health concerns or questions related to your medical condition, please consult with your healthcare provider. Remember, your health journey is unique, and what has worked for me might not be suitable for everyone. The content here does not aim to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, and results from following the strategies discussed can vary.