Ep 170: Why Custody Decisions Need a Pattern-Based Approach When There has Been Coercive Control

When it comes to domestic violence and coercive control, the systems we rely on to protect children are often looking at the wrong thing.

Instead of assessing for patterns like, long-term, consistent dynamics of fear, control, and power imbalances, many custody decisions are still made based on isolated incidents. And that’s a huge problem.

In this solo episode, I’m sharing why we need a major shift in how we assess safety, parenting, attachment, and the best interests of the child, and how a pattern-based approach can more accurately reflect the lived experience of survivors and their children.

We’ll talk about:

• Why coercive control often doesn’t show up in isolated “incidents”
• How this outdated model fails kids in custody evaluations
• Why it can take months or even a year for a child to feel safe enough to reveal the full picture in therapy
• The dangers of assuming we can determine a child’s best interest after two brief sessions with an evaluator

Whether you're a survivor navigating the family court system or a professional working in this space, this episode offers clarity and validation, and a call to do better by the families most impacted.

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