Ep 132: Beyond Bad Behavior: Understanding Children's Messages with Jillian Oetting

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What if there's no such thing as a bad kid? What if challenging behaviors are simply messages children send when they lack the emotional vocabulary to express themselves?

Licensed Professional Counselor Jillian Oetting takes us behind the scenes of a behavior modification camp founded in the 1960s that continues to transform lives today. Drawing from five summers working at this unique program and her family background of psychologists, Jillian breaks down the evidence-based techniques that help children thrive through connection rather than control.

We explore the power of token economies where children earn points for positively-framed behavioral goals—points that, crucially, can never be taken away. Learn why traditional punishments like timeouts and taking away privileges often backfire, while strategic ignoring paired with enthusiastic positive reinforcement builds intrinsic motivation. Jillian shares practical examples from both camp and home settings, including a touching story about decoding her three-year-old's resistance to school after a frightening fire drill.

The conversation reveals how shifting our language from "don't do this" to "here's what you can do" fundamentally changes our relationships with children. We discuss how teachers and parents can implement these techniques to create environments where kids feel understood, validated, and set up for success. Most importantly, we discover that sustainable behavior change happens when children feel seen, heard, and loved—even during their most challenging moments.

Ready to see behavior as communication and transform your approach to the children in your life? This episode offers practical wisdom for anyone who believes in a child's inherent goodness and wants to build connections that last a lifetime.

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