EP 253: Lights Off, Shirt On? Let's Talk About Sex! 5 Reasons Eating Disorders Block Intimacy + What Exactly to Do About It

Okay girlfriend, we're going there. We're talking about the thing nobody talks about when it comes to eating disorders: sex, intimacy, and what's happening (or NOT happening) in your bedroom. If you've noticed your sex drive has disappeared, you're avoiding intimacy with your partner, you can't be present during sex because you're too busy worrying about what your body looks like, or your relationship is suffering and you don't know why - this episode is for you. Host Lindsey Nichol gets incredibly vulnerable about her own experience with blocked intimacy during her eating disorder - how she was physically shut down, emotionally unavailable, and performing instead of experiencing. She shares the research-backed reasons why eating disorders completely sabotage intimacy (spoiler: your body is literally in survival mode), and gives you practical tools to address it. This isn't just about emotional connection - we're talking about SEX. Physical intimacy. The bedroom. Your relationship with your spouse or partner. Because your eating disorder isn't just stealing your relationship with food and your body. It's stealing your relationship with your partner too. In this episode, you'll learn: The 5 reasons why intimacy gets completely blocked when you have an eating disorderWhy your libido has disappeared (hint: hormones, energy, survival mode)How body shame follows you into the bedroomWhy you can't experience pleasure when you're disconnected from your bodyHow to check your "intimacy temperature" and get honest about where you areExactly what to say to your partner about what's going onPractical steps to start reconnecting This is real talk. This is vulnerable. This is the conversation we need to have. So grab your favorite Tarjay journal and let's get into it. Content Note: This episode discusses sexual intimacy and eating disorders openly. Best listened to in a private space. In This Episode, You'll Hear: Lindsey's Vulnerable Truth What intimacy looked like when she was in the thick of her eating disorderBeing in a relationship while physically and emotionally shut downNot being present during sex - performing instead of experiencingConstantly worried about what her body looked like during intimacyAnxious thoughts: "Is my stomach flat enough? Can he feel certain parts? Should the lights be off? Should I keep my shirt on?"The realization: She wasn't experiencing intimacy, she was performing it The Research Nobody Talks About Women with eating disorders experience significantly higher rates of sexual dysfunctionLower libido, avoidance of intimacy, relationship dissatisfaction are commonWe suffer in silence, fake it, avoid it, make excusesAnd our relationships suffer while we pretend everything is fine The Question We're Answering Why is intimacy blocked when you struggle with an eating disorder? And what can you actually DO about it? The 5 Reasons Why Intimacy Gets Blocked: Reason #1: Your Body is Literally Shutting Down When you restrict food, your body goes into survival modeSex, reproduction, intimacy are NOT essential for survivalYour hormones tank: estrogen, progesterone, testosterone plummetYour libido disappears completelyYou lose your period (amenorrhea)Your energy is non-existentResearch shows women with anorexia and bulimia have significantly disrupted hormone levelsAll of these hormones impact sexual desire and functionIf you have zero sex drive, if intimacy feels like a chore, if you're exhausted - your body is saying "I don't have resources for this"Your body is trying to keep you alive, not reproduce Reason #2: You're Disconnected From Your Body When you spend every day hating, criticizing, punishing your body - you disconnectYou dissociate from physical sensationsThe problem: You can't experience pleasure in a body you're not connected toIntimacy requires being IN your body, feeling sensations, being presentBut when you're trapped in your head analyzing what you look like - you're performing, not experiencingResearch: Women with eating disorders report significantly higher body image concerns during sexual activityThis directly correlates with lower sexual satisfaction and avoidance behaviorsYou can't enjoy intimacy when you're worried about appearance the entire time Reason #3: The Shame is Paralyzing Body shame doesn't stay in the mirror - it follows you into the bedroomWhen you feel disgusting in your own skin, how are you supposed to let someone see it? Touch it?The shame is so heavy that many women avoid intimacy altogetherMaking excuses, shutting down, pulling awayBeing vulnerable and exposed when you feel shame about your body is terrifyingIntimacy requires vulnerability - shame blocks that completely Reason #4: You're Emotionally Unavailable When you're consumed by an eating disorder, there's no room for anything elseYour entire mental and emotional bandwidth is taken up by food thoughts, body checking, planning, restricting, compensatingYou don't have capacity to show up emotionally for...