Join us as we dive into Emily in Paris S2 episodes 4-5, where our protagonist's terrible French skills take center stage alongside a hilariously awkward love triangle. Watch Emily dramatically return Gabrielle's cast iron pan while completely overreacting to the entire situation, all while Camille gives her the coldest French shoulder imaginable.

We detour into passionate debates about sparkling water (La Croix: "It doesn't taste like anything!"), explore the questionable "magic leek soup" diet (one leek in four quarts of water = weight loss miracle?), and investigate Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop empire. Plus, Emily's French class partner gets her to accidentally shoplift, someone writes the worst French letter in history, and we learn that Brussels sprouts are just "little balls of cabbage that need to be roasted in liters of olive oil to be edible."

From Emily's middle-school "pact" with Camille, to street performer turf wars featuring an aggressive mime, to Gabrielle's perfect hair (enjoy it while it lasts!), this episode delivers pure dumpster gold. As always, the tangents are better than the show itself!

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We've emerged from our unplanned hiatus to tackle "The Duel" - where noodley-armed Dylan Sprouse and his Australian nemesis aim flintlock pistols at each other over a girl who can't decide which bro she wants!

Key Moments:

• Patrick Warburton (aka Putty) narrates and stars in this gentlemanly festival of atonement with philosophical musings and a hipster mustache
• A burning surfboard starts a feud that somehow requires black powder pistols to resolve
• Our protagonists get drugged and kidnapped to a Mexican drug lord's estate (that's actually in Indiana?) for their duel
• Abby, the woman they're fighting over, gets kidnapped too... but with a complimentary spa day!
• The world's most awkward dinner party features Hunter S. Thompson funeral plans and toxic masculinity accusations
• A sociopathic daughter recites 17th century poetry while everyone downs ice cream sundaes before the big showdown
• The ending makes absolutely no sense, but hey, at least we learned that even women used to duel (Lady Braddock once fought with pistols AND swords because someone insulted her age!)

Is it worth 3.5 dumpsters? Maybe not, but we'll never look at Chili's the same way again.

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Join us for Episode 69 (nice!) of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we dive into "Surprised by Oxford," a pretentious journey through the hallowed halls of academia. Based on a true story, this faith-finding romantic drama follows Rose Reid as she perfects the art of pushing everyone away while simultaneously stalking her Christian crush.

Key Moments:

• Our ice queen protagonist brings a suitcase full of books to Oxford, because apparently Google doesn't exist in this anachronistic mess
• Kent, the world's most patient Christian boy, refuses to take a hint despite Caro's repeated attempts to Arctic-freeze him out
• Watch as our heroine has an emotional breakdown over an ink pen, earning herself a weekend retreat with the Dean (totally normal professor-student behavior)
• Endless scenes of pretentious intellectual discourse that sound like adults from Peanuts: "wah wah wah patriarchy wah wah"
• A faith-finding journey that involves more running away from emotional connections than actual spiritual revelation
• The mandatory rom-com spinning camera kiss finale, because apparently that's still a thing in 2023

Is it better or worse than "Finding You"? Let's just say Rose Reid was significantly more likable when she wasn't trying to philosophize her way through relationships.

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Surprised by Joy Analysis