Disappearing Mother

When dementia comes for someone we love, how do we maintain connection and relationship? For Suzanne Finnamore it takes accepting that her mother, in her final stage of dementia, lives in another country; Suzanne has needed to learn the customs and accept the differences. When she can accept, there is room for magic, including the magic of living as if there is no death; where everyone we ever loved is still alive. Suzanne is able to see the ways in which her mother is still herself and still vital. She is able to see the beauty of her mother's marriage and the life she built out of loss and challenge. They are able to love each other in the present moment whether all is remembered or nothing is.

Suzanne Finnamore was born in Los Angeles and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. She graduated from UC Berkeley in 1982 with a degree in English Literature. She has published four books and has been translated into twenty languages. Her debut novel was a Barnes & Noble Discover New Author selection. Her second book was a Washington Post Book of the Year in 2002. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, New York Magazine, Mademoiselle, Glamour, Marin Magazine, PoetryNow, the San Francisco Chronicle, USA Today, and has been included on several Oprah reading lists. She lives with her very last husband, Tom, and their two little dogs. My Disappearing Mother: A Memoir of Magic and Loss in the Country of Dementia began as a column in The New York Times, "Dementia Is A Place Where My Mother Lives. It Is Not Who She Is," which ran on Mother's Day 2022.