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Dancing With Depression

Dancing With Depression

De: Adam Turner
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Welcome to Dancing With Depression. This is a podcast dedicated to opening up the conversation about mental health, focusing specifically on depression. I was diagnosed with depression in 2015. I've realized how crucial it is to talk openly about this topic, breaking its stigma. Like taboo subjects such as income, politics, or religion, depression should not be off-limits. Through sharing my journey, from my upbringing to my personal experiences and moments of vulnerability, I aim to convey that it's okay to feel this way. We are not alone, and most importantly, we did nothing wrong. Depression doesn't confine itself to a specific upbringing, socio-economic status, or background. I hope my stories encourage others to share their own experiences, highlighting how depression affects not just individuals but their loved ones as well. Every day with depression is different for me. Some days, it's a mild waltz; other days, it can start with a tap dance, shift into a Salsa, and by noon, I’m a Ballet dancer – leaping, bending, lifting (the weight of my depression), and balancing myself on the tips of my toes all while spinning rapidly. I invite you to join me as we navigate the complex dance with depression together, all while striving to Take The Lead!© 2025 Adam Turner Higiene y Vida Saludable Psicología Psicología y Salud Mental
Episodios
  • From Drowning to Dancing – My Return to Work

    From Drowning to Dancing – My Return to Work
    Nov 7 2025
    Welcome to the Dancing With Depression podcast, I am your grateful host – Adam Turner. As mentioned in the last episode, I am going to share what returning to work was like after being away for 60 days! I will share what changed, what stayed the same, how I felt the night before & what actually happened when I logged back into work at 9 a.m.The reason for my 60 day “staycation” was due to what I can only describe as drowning. I was overwhelmed with work, marriage, my inability to figure out what life was – dare I say “my purpose”. I was asking myself questions that, not only could I not answer, but I was having a difficult time comprehending where the questions were coming from. Having to remind myself that 9 months earlier, I stopped taking my prescribed by a professional medication for anxiety & depression – cold turkey! So for years I hadn’t really addressed my concerns…like what was I going to do for a living over the next 15-20 years? I didn’t want to remain in sales, I hadn’t wanted to be in sales for over 10 years!!! I knew this wasn’t uncommon as many of my high school & college friends had pivoted to different careers…most of them sharing the challenges, but grateful for their decision.So after trying to do things “my way” and it not working, I was looking for help. That help came by way of my therapist & psychiatrist. I filled out the paperwork and submitted my short term disability claim…the next morning I called my then boss and shared that I would be out of work, I would send him an email with accounts that needed to be contacted, & let him know if there was anything he needed I would do my best to get it for him.My original thought was I’d be out for like 2 weeks, in that time I would “reset” – get caught up…whatever that meant. I didn’t have a plan…the only “plan” I had was to try my absolute best not to think about, worry about anything work related. I had ruined plenty of vacations in the past with the need/desire to stay connected – as if I was so important (thought is laughable now).I spent the better half of the first 10 days doing absolutely nothing…I had all the time in the world and a “honey do” list with painting, cleaning the garage, changing light bulbs, just to name a few – yet nothing was checked off. I did manage to fill out the paperwork to partake in group therapy…but even after I was accepted – I had to wait another week before I could start. I’m not sure where it came from but I was able to get a little momentum and cross a few things off that never ending honey do list.So I attended group therapy, learned about CBT & DBT – went through a couple of ADHD meds in order to find something that helped me concentrate…and after 15 sessions I said my goodbyes and headed into the weekend preparing myself for “The Ultimate Comeback”.I was surprisingly calm leading up to my return – I wasn’t spending a lot of time wondering what would happen, and put my focus on reassuring myself that whatever did happen I would know how to OR find a way to get through it. It’s NOT that I wasn’t nervous or concerned..I just realized, my previous pattern would be me using a lot of energy worrying about what might happen, and not having enough energy to deal with what ACTUALLY happened. Yeah that was a valuable nugget of insight I picked up in group!!!Since I hadn’t been real good at disconnecting in the past coupled with never being away from work for that length of time, I was curious about how people would react – would I still remember my passwords (I have like 10 of them for different systems), and just overall what had changed while away. The 1st day really didn’t feel any different, from a 30,000 ft. view – we had the same meetings scheduled, same sales projections had to be submitted – now when I took a closer look there were several noticeable differences…Some people were no longer with the company, many of my accounts had been reassigned, and oh how could I forget this – I CAME BACK TO A NEW MANAGER!!! As I so eloquently put it when asked to describe my 1st day back…a lot of things changed and at the same time nothing had changed.Over the next few days I had a couple challenges with my anxiety and depression, but with the teachings Hopeway provided along with group therapy I came back with a few tools in my belt I didn’t have in the past – and they worked beautifully.For those preparing to transition back into work…my 1st recommendation is take it one day or a couple of hours at a time. Putting all of your energy into trying to stop what you think might happen vs. using a small percentage of energy directly at what is actually happening will get you so much further. Do you feel like I’m making that “easier than it sounds”? Well that is what I would have thought, before learning those tools I mentioned earlier – and you can do the same!I have to remind myself that ...
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    10 m
  • The Group I Didn't Know I Needed

    The Group I Didn't Know I Needed
    Oct 2 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing with Depression. I'm Adam. And today I want to talk about something I never thought I would talk about. Group therapy. Or as I said at the time, group therapy. OK. So let me rewind just a little bit. On July 22nd, I felt like I was drowning at work. Now, I'm sure we've all felt overwhelmed before. You know, that feeling of spinning your wheels, crossing one thing off of your to-do list, only to have three more things show up. But this felt different. Everyday responsibilities, mounting stress, and the weight of trying to hold it all together, it just became too much. And I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The next day, July 23rd. I found myself sitting with my psychiatrist and after that conversation, I made the decision that I've never made before. I submitted a claim for short-term disability. I didn't fully understand what that even meant or what came next. I didn't fully understand what that meant or even what came next. I just knew one thing for sure. The way I was living wasn't working. My hope was that some time away from work might just help me catch my breath. You know, maybe reset. How? I had no clue. I just knew I couldn't keep going the way I was. As I started planning what time away would look like, both my psychiatrist and therapist suggested something I hadn't even considered. A mental health clinic. Now that was definitely not part of my plan. Mostly because let's be honest, I didn't have one. So I did what most of us do when we're unsure of something. I did a Google search. And it was like I was choosing a restaurant while on vacation. And I went straight to the reviews. The clinic that had been recommended had received a 3.6 out of five stars, with 113 reviews, which I felt was a significant amount to gauge what kind of facility this would be. Now, I don't know about you, but I tend to jump straight to the bad reviews so that one, I could determine if it was worth going any further. But I also, think, was subconsciously building my exit strategy as to why this wouldn't be a good fit. But I read probably 10 different reviews. And I realized that there wasn't anything that consistently stood out. There were some challenges I'm sure people experience, but they seem to be very isolated. And many of them were about the food not being that great. That's. Wasn't going to be strong enough for me to to say no. And. I always remind myself that especially when you're reading other people's experiences and reviews that there's always two sides to every story and the truth usually lands somewhere in between. So I decided to move on and check out the website, learn a little bit more about the different programs that they had to offer. And I read they had three options. The first one was residential. The second one was PHP. And the third one was IOP. So the website breaks down what each of those programs consist of and Essentially, the residential program is that of what it sounds. You're living on their facility, which happens to be in 30 minutes away from where I am. But you're there for 30 days and you are in full day group therapy. You have weekly psychiatrist and therapist sessions, and then they have weekend activities like yoga or journaling or ARP. The second option was PHP, which is partial hospitalization. Again, you're going to their facility. It's a structured day, so you're there from 9 o'clock in the morning till 4 in the afternoon, Monday through Friday. But you go home. And the third option is IOP, which is intensive outpatient. It's much more flexible. I learned later on that a lot of people step down and kind of use the IOP to transition from a residential program into kind of going back into their normal routine. The way I viewed IOP was I could still be at home and that was what was comfortable for me. My initial reaction with regards to residential was no way. And the funny part was I said to myself, I'm not mentally ready for residential. Yeah, not mentally ready for mental health treatment. Sounds ridiculous, but this is also the same guy that admitted that he stopped taking all of his medications cold turkey. So. That's where I was at. I landed on IOP. As I mentioned, it felt like the safest choice. I could be in my own home and honestly. I didn't go in with big expectations or goals on what I was hoping to get from therapy, I just knew that I had to do something. And like everything within the medical or healthcare systems, there was forms that I had to fill out. There was screenings and evaluations to ensure that I could benefit from the program. And eventually I did end up getting the call that I had been accepted and I was scheduled to start August 15th at 9 a.m. In the days leading up to that, my mind was racing and asking questions like, is this really happening? Is this going to help me? How did I even get here? But first day came and those questions shifted from curiosity to a full on panic....
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    21 m
  • Walking Beside Anxiety and Depression - A Partner's Perspective

    Walking Beside Anxiety and Depression - A Partner's Perspective
    Sep 25 2025
    Welcome back to another episode of Dancing With Depression.I want to start with a quick update on where I stand after several months of being off my anxiety and depression medication. I’m happy to say that some small but meaningful improvements have shown up—I’m taking more showers, and when my laundry is done drying, I actually fold it and put it away. Small wins matter.But it hasn’t all been easy. Anxiety still creeps in—especially at work—and depression still rears its ugly head. The toughest part is, I rarely recognize it in the moment. For example, not too long ago, I told Bobbie I was thinking about selling everything in my man cave—my vinyl records, my favorite movie posters, and even my sports jerseys. Bobbie gently asked if it was really what I wanted, or if it was my depression talking. After some reflection, I realized she was right—it was depression.That moment connects to another experience I had while listening to music. A lyric jumped out at me: “But I can’t be your only remedy; tryin’ to save you, gon’ kill me.” It’s from the song “Dear Alcohol” by Dax, with that line sung by Carly Pearl in the remix. If you haven’t heard it, go check it out—you won’t be disappointed. That lyric stood out to me because of a specific conversation Bobbie and I had just a few weeks prior. Which brings me to today’s episode. What you’re about to hear is a conversation between Bobbie & I, which took place two months after the initial conversation where Bobbie so accurately describes it as “Giving it to me…” a very difficult—but necessary—moment where Bobbie shared where she was in our relationship: what she was missing, and what she needed if I couldn’t provide it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to listen to, but it was also honest and truthful. And yes, it happened on my birthday—but for me, that was just a coincidence that showed how important it was for her to get it out.So, with that context, let’s jump in.In the last episode, I invited you to walk in my shoes as I shared what it was like to stop taking medication cold turkey. This time, I want to turn things around. Today, I invite you to walk in the shoes of my wife, Bobbie. She’ll be sharing her perspective on what it’s like to live with—and love—someone with a mental health diagnosis. She’ll talk about the challenges she’s faced, what she needed in order to keep supporting me, and how she decided whether our foundation was strong enough to withstand the tornado of my anxiety and depression.Before we begin, let me tell you a little about Bobbie. She spends her days caring for patients as a dental hygienist. Now, I know some of you might cringe just thinking about going to the dentist, but trust me—there’s something different, something special, about Bobbie’s abilities. And I’m not just saying that because I’m her husband. The patient reviews back it up. And besides, I’m not just her husband—I’m also her patient.Over our 9 ½ years of marriage, one thing has become clear: Bobbie doesn’t speak just to fill the silence. When she shares something, it’s because she’s thought it through. So when she told me she had something important to share, I knew I needed to pay attention.And the truth is, Bobbie’s knowledge in this area has always been ahead of mine. While I can clear out a sports-related Jeopardy category, she’s the one who has the science and chemistry answers locked down. I still can’t pronounce half of the prescriptions I’ve been on, but she sounds like a pharmacist.Her compassion and understanding carried us far, but eventually, she reached a point where she needed to ask me directly: was I going to stay in survival mode, or was I ready to put in the work—for us?This is that conversation, recorded two months after that pivotal moment. Let’s listen.--------Start of audio DWD S2 E3 – A Partners Perspective 2 of 3I think you mean what happened that I decided to have the conversation. What put me over the edge. don't know what put me over the edge, but I just felt like I care about our relationship and if it was gonna continue, it couldn't continue to go on the way that it was. I couldn't continue like we were and I care enough that I wanna address it and not let it die. And so we're obviously addressing my anxiety and depression and you know, I think we've talked about this, that we show what we want to show. And there's things that you're dealing with that I might not have realized in the moment. So what are some of the things that you deal with? ⁓ The conversation was just a check-in. I think if you are not open and honest with your partner, then you don't really have a relationship. So if I'm not telling you how I feel... What are we doing? And it was kind of where I was at. I couldn't continue to do what, quote, we were doing, because we weren't doing. I was struggling alone, trying to hold everything in, because you ...
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    32 m
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