• Controlling Me Was More Important Than Loving Me with Guest Psychotherapist and Interior Designer, Dani Gottschalk

  • Apr 15 2025
  • Duración: 31 m
  • Podcast

Controlling Me Was More Important Than Loving Me with Guest Psychotherapist and Interior Designer, Dani Gottschalk

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  • It was such a pleasure to speak with Dani. She's wonderful and has accomplished and overcome quite a bit thus far in her life. And a lot of that has to do with her mother. It took Dani many, many years to figure out what her real connection was with her mother. Was it love? Was it control? Dani was convinced it was love. Even Dani's girlfriends were convinced that she and her mother had the most special relationship and were even a bit jealous of what these two woman had- what looked like a very special bond.Dani was always there for her mother. Very protective of her, always there by her side should she need anything. If she hadn't heard from her mother within a certain amount of time, Dani would worry. If she said the wrong thing, Dani would worry.Here's a little bit of what Dani wrote to me about her relationship with her mother, prior to our recorded conversation."I'm the way i am because of her. I'm everything she wasn't and still of cuz I find her in me, her fears, her narrative, her internalized voice that speaks to me with grim predictions whenever things go really great for me.I wrote a whole book about me and my mom called "mutterseelenallein" which is a wonderful german word and means something like "lonelier than alone." Like when you find a kitten in the middle of the forest with no mum but as well as no one else around."Mutterseelenallein" was how my mom and I both felt, while she in fact was given away by her mother in 2nd world war and i had my mom always around like an emotional absent dissociated shadow that lived by my light.My mom was scared and depressed and my sole purpose was to make her happy. She was very generous when it was about sweets and bedtime but i had a massive price to pay: My self, that i had to surrender to her. She was so close that she suffocated me and at the same time she never was there.""I didnt realize till puberty when i started to become my own person what my mom couldn't handle. As long as I was an extension of herself everything was good, but by the slightest sign of separation, she started to become ugly. Emotional blackmailing, blame shifting and the sad realization that no matter what, I could never make her happy...which i tried until the day she died. Missing out to build my own family as she was my sole responsibility. She became the bitter and hateful, jealous of every move I made, every success I celebrated...she talked my victories small, told me I'm too messy or to fat..no man would ever want me."Such powerful words to describe a very complex relationship, especially for a young daughter who trusted her mother implicitly.There's so much more to this story. And the great news is that Dani has accomplished so much in her life. She says she loves her mother regardless of how hurtful she was. She a psychotherapist who's loves helping others and is able to help her patients because she is living proof that you can always turn your life around for the better.As narcissitic as Gabriel was, Dani has learner and voiced her opinion about the significance of raising our children to be able to leave home/the Mother Ship as a teen or in their young adult prime. "The bravest thing to do is teach your kids to separate."Dani uses her bold and dynamic design choices to lift her internal vibrations, to make her happy and feel alive and appreciate all of her talents regardless of how her mother tried to control her and keep her self esteem bleak. (Tinzeltowndesign)Brava Dani and I can't wait to meet you in person either in Germany or The Bohoho in South Africa.*Mutterseelenallein" is a German word meaning "utterly alone" or "completely isolated". It translates literally as "mother's souls alone," but the actual meaning is an extreme sense of loneliness, as if even one's mother has abandoned you. The phrase has a more inteFrom Goodle-Definition of "Mutterseelenallein:" "Tinzeltown, a high-concept project development and interior design firm redefining "content creator spaces." Known for bold, immersive interiors, Gottschalk's landmark project, The Bohoho in Camps Bay, South Africa, recasts 1960s Palm Springs glamour with striking hues and retro-Hollywood flair—offering an Instagrammable haven that blends luxury and creative freedom for travelers and creators alike.Articles-https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/africa/south-africa/cape-town/bohoho-villa-influencers/https://visi.co.za/colourful-camps-bay-villa/ All Social Media Links:Instagram: tinzeltowndesign, thebohohoFacebook The BohohoLinkedIn Daniela Gottschalk The Bohoho Camps Bay-The Bohoho-Boutique Hotel South AfricaStay@thebohoho.comdanibohoho@gmail.comwwwthebohoho.comwww.tinzeltown.comWEBSITE: https://thebohoho.com/ "Should Have Listened To My Mother" is an ongoing conversation about mothers/female role models and the roles they play in our lives. Jackie's guests are open and honest and answer the question, are you who you are today because of, or in spite of, your mother ...
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