Why You're Always Anxious (And How To Regulate Your Nervous System)

Welcome back to The Confident Sober Women Podcast! I’m your host, Shelby John, sober therapist, EMDR therapist, and fellow woman in recovery. In today’s solo episode, we’re diving into a topic that comes up constantly with my clients, friends, and even in my own life: nervous system regulation.

You might say, “Why am I always anxious?” or “Why do I feel overwhelmed when nothing’s even wrong?” If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you. We’ll explore why your anxiety often seems to appear out of nowhere, what’s really happening in your body, and the powerful science-backed tools you can use to feel calm, clear, and in control—especially in sobriety.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

✔️ What your nervous system actually does (think of it like your body’s operating system)
✔️ How trauma, stress, and addiction keep your system in fight-or-flight—even when you’re safe
✔️ Why nervous system regulation is crucial to sustainable sobriety
✔️ Three simple tools to use TODAY to reduce anxiety and regain calm:

• The Physiological Sigh (a proven breath technique straight from neuroscience)
• Orienting to Safety (a quick somatic practice to ground your body)
• Name It to Tame It (a powerful brain hack to reduce emotional reactivity by 50%)

Plus, I share how EMDR therapy and remote neurofeedback go beyond talk therapy to retrain your brain and heal anxiety and trauma at the root. These tools are especially helpful for women who’ve been sober a year or more and are craving deeper healing and emotional freedom.

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling your day and finally feel peace in your body—this episode will show you exactly how to start.

🔗 Want to try remote neurofeedback from home?
Learn more about my program and see if it’s right for you at shelbyjohn.com
💥 It’s available to women worldwide—no license limitations!

✨ Share this with a sober sister who needs to hear it, and don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast so we can reach more incredible women just like you.

You are not alone. You are not broken. And you don’t have to stay stuck in anxiety. 💛

Support the show

Support the show

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

In this insightful conversation, Shelby welcomes Amanda Kuda, author of "Unbottled Potential," to discuss different pathways to sobriety and the importance of finding what resonates with you personally.

Amanda shares her journey to sobriety, which began when she realized her weekend drinking habits were counteracting her weekday personal development work. Despite not hitting "rock bottom" or fitting traditional addiction narratives, she recognized alcohol was preventing her from becoming her most authentic self.

Key Takeaways:

• Amanda's approach to sobriety came from a spiritual angle, studying influencers like Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, and Gabby Bernstein
• Both women discuss how there are multiple valid paths to recovery beyond the 12-step model
• The skills of emotional regulation and sitting with discomfort are essential for long-term sobriety
• Journaling prompt: "Wait, what am I thinking?" can help process emotions that might trigger drinking
• Learning to name your emotions and accept all feelings as valid helps reduce emotional volatility

Amanda emphasizes that you don't need to have a "drinking problem" for alcohol to be a problem in your life. If it's preventing you from being your most authentic self, that's reason enough to question your relationship with it.

Shelby highlights how recent research, including the 2025 Surgeon General's report, confirms that no amount of alcohol is safe for consumption, supporting the decision to live alcohol-free regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of use.

This conversation powerfully illustrates that recovery doesn't always fit into prescribed models - what matters most is finding an approach that resonates with you and leads to a better life.

Connect with Amanda Kuda:

• Website: amandakuda.com
• Instagram: @amandakuda
• TikTok: @amanda.kuda
• Facebook: amandakuda
• LinkedIn: amandakuda
• Book - Unbottled Potential: Amazon

Are you ready to explore your relationship with alcohol from a fresh perspective? This episode offers compassionate insights for anyone questioning their drinking habits, regardless of where you are on your journey.

Support the show

Support the show

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

In this powerful episode of the Confident Sober Women podcast, we're joined by Janice Johnson Dowd, author of "Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery." As a retired social worker with 12 years of sobriety and a mother of four, Janice shares her journey from functioning alcoholic to recovery advocate with remarkable candor.

Episode Highlights:

• Janice's background working in addiction treatment centers before her own alcoholism developed in her 40s
• The complex dynamics of balancing motherhood, career, and self-care that contributed to her drinking
• Her experience with inpatient treatment and how focusing exclusively on recovery actually damaged family relationships
• The challenging path of repairing relationships with her four children (ages 13-21 at the time of her treatment)
• Why validation, accountability, and persistent communication are crucial for family healing
• The importance of finding balance between recovery work and family reconnection
• How to effectively listen to and validate different family members' experiences
• Why staying sober is the foundation for rebuilding trust, but isn't enough on its own

Practical Takeaways:

1. Take accountability for your actions and validate others' perspectives, even when they differ from yours
2. Practice deep listening without immediate reactions, especially with adolescents and young adults
3. Persist in healing efforts even when family therapy or initial conversations feel uncomfortable or unsuccessful
4. Recognize developmental differences in how children process a parent's addiction and recovery
5. Find balance between recovery work and family engagement
6. Take advantage of small moments for connection and organic healing conversations
7. Get support from sponsors, therapists, and recovery peers when navigating challenging family situations

Janice emphasizes that repair is possible even after significant damage to relationships. Her story offers hope to those struggling with similar challenges and provides practical guidance for rebuilding what addiction has broken.

Connect with Janice:

• Book: "Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery" by Janice V. Johnson Dowd
• Website: janicejohnsondowd.com
• Instagram: @parenting_inn_recovery

Whether you're in recovery yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode provides valuable insights into the complex journey of family healing after addiction.

Support the show

Support the show

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.