Chores for Your 12-Year-Old

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s/teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and daily chores provide a perfect opportunity.

Chores allow your child/teen to play a role in contributing to the maintenance and care of your family’s household. Children/teens ages 11-14 are establishing lifestyle habits that will extend throughout their lifetime, whether making their beds in the morning, doing their dirty dishes, or cleaning up their games and supplies. Children/teens who do chores learn that part of being in a family contributes to the work and responsibilities of family life. When they pitch in, it creates a sense of autonomy, belonging, and competence.

Research has found that the best predictor of success in young adulthood can be directly traced back to whether a child began doing chores at an early age, as young as three or four.^1 But it’s never too late to begin! Another study linked children doing chores to positive mental health in their early adulthood.^2 Doing chores teaches a work ethic essential in helping children/teens persist toward any goal.

Yet, there are challenges. Children’s/teen’s schedules are busy. After school, your child/teen may have soccer practice, several hours of homework, and grand desires of seeing friends or playing outside. “Why do I have to take out the garbage cans? My friends don’t,” you may hear from your eleven-year-old. Whether cleaning up their room or setting the table for dinner, your child/teen may argue with you when they have other goals, like, “How can I socialize or game longer?”

The key to many parenting challenges, like chores, is finding ways to communicate to meet your and your child’s/teen’s needs. Daily chores are also a way for your child/teen to learn valuable skills like timeliness and responsibility. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to prepare you.

Why Chores?

Whether asking your eleven-year-old to make their bed and turn off the lights each day or reminding your twelve-year-old to rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher after dinner, these can become your daily challenges if you don’t create regular routines. With input from your child/teen in advance, clear roles and responsibilities can be outlined alongside a well-established plan for success.

Today, in the short term, chores can create

● greater cooperation and motivation as you go about your daily tasks;

● greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment as you each implement your respective roles while feeling set up for success;

● trust in each other that you have the competence to complete your responsibilities with practice and care, and

● added daily peace of mind.

Tomorrow, in the long term, your child/teen

● builds skills in collaboration and cooperative goal-setting;

● builds skills in responsible decision-making, hard work, and persistence; and

● gains independence, life skills competence, and self-sufficiency.

Five Steps for Establishing Chores

This five-step process helps you and your child/teen establish routines and build essential skills. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)[1] .

Tip: These steps are best done when you and your child/teen are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[2] and...