~ Jay Armstrong

Author of A Good Calamity: Useful Essays and Poems on Living with a Disability

Are you struggling to accept something hard in your life? Are you even thinking about acceptance, or are you still fighting the hard truth?

Jay Armstrong was diagnosed with ataxia (a degenerative disease of the brain and nervous system) in 2013, shortly after the birth of his youngest son. The disease affects Jay's movement, balance and speech, among other things.

Jay notes that accepting his disease has been a challenge, but one that has helped him build lasting resilience. "You have to own your struggles," Jay says. "I no longer put my handicapped devices in the closet. I keep them out and say, 'This is who I am.'" (Jay has also named his walking cane Clark Able. Hahahaha!)

As we often say in Brilliantly Resilient, owning our struggles not only builds resilience, but allows us to let go of what "should be," to make room for what "could be." In Jay's case, he "should not have been" stricken with ataxia, but it is his reality. Once we accept our reality, we're better able to determine what "could be" possible and take small, incremental steps to rebuild.

Jay's new book A Good Calamity: Useful Essays and Poems on Living with a Disability, is the fourth book in his journey on living with his disease and its effect on his life and that of his family. It's funny, moving, and a testament to hard won resilience and wisdom.

Tune in to hear more of Jay's wisdom on this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:

• Hard won wisdom doesn't come easy, but it comes honest.
• A Good Calamity: Useful Essays and Poems on Living with a Disability This is the first time I owned the word "disability" by putting it on the cover of the book. I was owning it. I have to own everything.
• Part of my acceptance was littering my life with visual reminders. You have to own your struggles. I no longer put my handicapped devices in the closet. I keep them out and say, 'This is who I am.'
• My son asked me if I could go into the ocean and throw him into the water like another father was doing. And I had to say, 'No; I can't do that.' And that hurt...for a long time. Eventually, I realized that what I could do was be present. Presence matters. I can be there. And that's what my children will remember. That I was there.
• You eventually realize that no one is going to save you. Holding out hope for a cure becomes futile. What I tell other people and I tell myself is to accept this in little minute increments. Do little things to help yourself.
• Resilience is built one brick, one action at a time. Those dark times will come, but you're better able to muscle through them.
• Humor is an underrated survival skill. A big part of my survival is making my kids laugh. Take your humor seriously.
• Accepting is allowing others to see the hard truth of my life.... Now when someone asks if they can help me, I can be vulnerable with them.... When they ask if they can help, it's because they love me. I used to see it as pity; now I see it as love.

Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran

"Be involved in both your business and personal finances. 80% of women will die single. At some point in your life you are going to have to manage your finances. A man is not a financial plan."

Are you in financial survival mode? Many women are. It's a mindset trap that many women, especially female entrepreneurs, can fall into. But it's possible to make the shift from survival mode to lasting wealth.

Audrey Faust is the best-selling author of She Grows Rich. Audrey notes that "money is emotionally charged for women," often keeping them from approaching finances strategically, or ignoring finances all together.

With simple, achievable, step-by-step strategies, Audrey helps women create confidence and empowerment around personal and business finances. She guides women on creating a financial blueprint, which she notes is different than a budget, as it lets women decide where their money goes and where they want to see it grow. By encouraging women to take charge of their finances and invest in themselves and their businesses, Audrey uses "reverse engineering" to help clarify action steps towards financial security and success. She also reminds entrepreneurs to charge what they're worth! (And why is that so hard????)

Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that education and action are essential to creating successful, fulfilling professional and personal lives. Further, in order to establish financial security and confidence, women need to take responsibility for themselves and their futures.

To help you start on your journey to financial empowerment, Audrey is offering a free download titled 12 Secrets from and Expert CFO. Get your copy here, and order your copy of She Grows Rich here.

Tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Audrey's wisdom and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:

• Mindset and financial strategies are the best combination for women and money.
• Women are givers and nurturers by nature, which can make it harder to focus on financial strategies.
• Women weren't even allowed to have a credit card in their own name until 1974.
• You need to financially invest in something to see results.
• Make sure your profit is what it would be if you were working in the marketplace.
• If you are closing 100% of your prospects, your prices are too low. Aim for a 50 to 80% closing rate.
• Take the judgement out of handling your finances.
• If you don't make a profit in your business within 3 years, the IRS can classify your business as a hobby, which means you cannot deduct expenses, there are no tax breaks and there is tax on any income.
• Be involved in both your business and personal finances. 80% of women will die single. At some pint in your life you are going to have to manage your finances. A man is not a financial plan.

Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

(And click here to buy your copy of From Broken to Brilliant: How to Live a Brilliantly Resilient Life, by me!!)

XO,

Mary Fran

Is your brain keeping you in pain? The emotional responses we have to trauma--which often stay with us--can trigger the brain to continue to send a physical pain response in our bodies.

Huh? Isn't pain caused by a physical issue in the body? Well, yes. Unless it isn't.

Patty Tashiro experienced a mother's nightmare when her daughter and her husband were rear-ended by a speeding car--and Patty, on the phone with her daughter, heard the whole thing.

Patty's daughter, 10 at the time, had a severe brain bleed, but miraculously survived her injuries. Yet, despite her body healing from obvious physical injury, Patty's daughter continued to suffer from debilitating pain, confounding doctors.

Finding no help from traditional physicians (One doctor told Patty that if her daughter "wasn't barfing, she should be in school,") Patty began researching and discovered Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, which utilizes the brain's ability to "rewire" itself (neuroplasticity) to help those suffering to reprocess trauma and reduce the brain's reaction--thus lessening chronic pain. Patty continued exploring similar options and is now certified in brain health coaching and Pain Reprocessing Therapy.

Clearly, seeking alternative help for her daughter required Patty to change her thinking and be willing to look at things differently. Here at Brilliantly Reseilient, we refer to seeing the world through a different "lens," being open to new ideas, experiences and opportunities to grow--and heal.

To learn more, visit Patty's website and tune in to this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast for these additional bits of wisdom:

• What is the brain's role in perpetuating pain?
• Our nervous systems are completely different depending on our life experiences.... How is your nervous system working--for you or against you?
• The brain is misreading friendly signals as danger, which can cause us to "learn" chronic pain over time.
• Neural pathways can create pain that becomes chronic. Your emotions or trauma can create physical pain in your body. If you are not healing, you may have moved into chronic pain. Your brain is misreading chronic signals as bad and perpetuating pain.
• Neuroplastic pain can be malleable. It can be changed. So how can we train our brain to feel safe?
• You are worth healing. If you're lying in your bed in pain, you're not able to share your gifts, and we need you!

You can heal. And you can become Brilliantly Resilient. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran

~ Toby Mildon, Author of Inclusive Growth: Future-proof Your Business by Creating a Diverse Workspace, and Building Inclusivity: Making Your Workplace Equitable, Diverse and Inclusive

How many people in the world are exactly like you? EXACTLY like you, no differences.

The answer is no one. Every single person, because of countless factors including genetics, personal experiences, education, inherent skills--the list is endless--is unique.

Toby Mildon, author and DEI expert, notes that when we broaden our definition of diversity to include everyone's unique skills and circumstances, and provide access in our workplaces for all to succeed, we "can increase creativity and innovation and problem solving because you have people with different perspectives and experiences."

A wheelchair user for his entire life, Toby notes his personal experience with diversity, but also suggests that we must begin to think about other, less obvious aspects of diversity. Toby suggests that one of the keys to making DEI all-inclusive is finding commonalities and synergies between different groups. Toby says: "When we stop labeling groups and identifying them by a particular issue and realize everyone has the issue to some degree, implementing changes can benefit everyone in an organization," --a unifying benefit of DEI that uplifts the entire organization.

At Brilliantly Resilient, we recognize the benefits of diversity and inclusion, both on a large scale and within our own lives. Seeking out others with different experiences, perspectives and talents helps us learn, grow and evolve--a key to living a Brilliantly Resilient life.

Learn more about Toby on his website, and find his books here. Tune in for more of Toby's wisdom on this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:

• I've been on a Diversity and Inclusion journey myself. I've been a wheelchair user all my life. I have personal experience with diversity.... We have to be thinking about other aspects of diversity.
• Individuals are individuals. Everyone has their different starting points. You need to provide personalized adjustments and ways of working to level the playing field.
• When we stop labeling groups and identifying them by a particular issue and realize everyone has the issue to some degree, implementing changes can benefit everyone in an organization.
• If we take a social model of thinking into the workplace, we can ask ourselves what are the barriers people are facing? What roadblocks are in the way of people succeeding? We need to address those issues.... It's access to opportunities.
• When you recognize that the adversity that has kept people out is also what has allowed them to develop the skills that will bring value to the organization, we realize we need to even further expand our idea of diversity.
• You need to swiftly engage the senior management team and get them crystal clear on why DEI is important to the future of THEIR business.... Start with the organization's vision and mission and then move on to see how DEI will help them grow.
• A diverse workforce can increase creativity, innovation and problem solving because you have people with different perspectives and experiences. If people are too similar, you end up with "Group Think" and blind spots.
• Are we creating the environment of inclusion in companies where everyone can thrive? As an employer, you have a unique place in society to create a ripple effect. If you create an inclusive place to work where individuals can thrive, you can also affect society. It all starts with the opportunity to go to work and earn a living.

Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran

Christina Sorenson was in 15 different foster care homes from ages five to fifteen. Separated from her sister and eventually adopted at age fifteen, Christina has made it her life's work to provide legal and supportive aid for children and young adults in foster care.

An attorney at TeamChild in Seattle, WA, Christina has thoughtfully incorporated her own life experiences into her mission, bringing compassion, empathy and insights into the struggles of those in a foster system that frequently denies them a voice.

Being a "foster kid" is often deeply traumatic, and this trauma can have a lasting effect, especially on a child. According to Christina, statistics show that kids in foster care experience PTSD at twice the rate of veterans who served in active combat. Having little to no personal agency to fight for themselves, kids in foster care can be further traumatized and therefore must rely on others to step in to advocate for them.

Creating a supportive tribe is one of the bedrocks of living a Brilliantly Resilient life. As adults, we can cultivate relationships on our own, but it is our personal responsibility to assist and protect the young people in our communities who may have no one to help their voices be heard.

Community engagement is essential to healthy lives both as individuals and as part of a group. One of the simplest ways to engage, according to Christina, is to become an empathetic listener and respect the voices of our children, thus becoming part of the solution.

Tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to learn more about Christina's important work and for tips about how to get involved. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of Christina's Brilliance:

• Integrating it (my experience) into my identiy now as a part of who I am is exactly how I can bring that lived experience and perspective and empathy...it allows me to listen to others and their experiences in a different way.
• I try to bring in the general public by story telling. I thought I could do it through the science and the research, but nothing changed. I had to figure out how to do it and it's through telling the stories of these kids.
• The number one way to make sure a child will have resilience or succeed is if there is someone who deeply cares about them. And it doesn't have to be the same person all of the time. I remember at different times different people deeply caring about me. Resiliency does require community action.
• I needed the safety net of a community because as a child, sometimes the step you take is right off a cliff.
• We want resiliency to have a destination but we have to realize it is an ongoing journey.
• We need to give children the space to talk about the things happening to them and laying a foundation of trust. And we need to affirm their reality and what's happening in their lives.

Reach out to Christina at: christinasorenson@teamchild.org. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran

~ Christine Eberle, Author: Finding God Along the Way

"Be where you are on the way to where you want to be going." Um...huh?

The above sounds like a riddle, doesn't it? Then again, isn't life a kind of riddle we try to figure out every day?

Christine Eberle, author of Finding God Along the Way, decided to seek clarity in answering life's riddle by undertaking a journey--literally and figuratively--as she and her husband walked the Camino of St. Ignatius Loyola in 2022.

For the uninitiated, the Camino (there are two--one of St. James and one of St. Ignatius), is a walking pilgrimage along the paths travelled by the saints as they experienced their conversions and deepened their relationship with God. In modern times, walking the Camino is a journey of discovery and peace undertaken by those seeking the same.

Those who travel the Camino consider themselves pilgrims--traveling the journey for spiritual growth and learning. Often, more human connections are formed as well, as Christine discovered. Undertaking the 676,000 step trek (with accompanying pain every day), Christine wanted to learn to live life "with a pilgrim's heart," meaning "We have a destination, and the destination is fixed, but we are very present to where we are in the given moment," Christine explains.

In Brilliantly Resilient terms, this translates to several core concepts: Do not be married to outcomes, and let go of what "should be" to make room for what "could be." As we plan our life journeys and our desired outcomes, we must be willing to evolve. Do what you have to do but be willing to let the moments evolve as you move, perhaps slowly, towards where you want to be. Christine found some of her most moving experiences were with those who helped her in her vulnerable moments during the days she was forced to rest--not part of her plan.

As we walk into 2025, consider your own journey with intention. Determine your destination, but allow for growth and change--and perhaps open yourself to some spiritual guidance along the way.

Learn more about Christine Eberle here, get the book, and be sure to tune into this week's podcast and listen for these additional bits of Brilliance:

• It's being fixed. Having your destination fixed, but also being very present to exactly where you are. The goal in pilgrimage is to be where you are on the way to where you know your want to be going.
• We shouldn't fix our desires on (our definitions of success) or failure.
• Instead of fixing our desires, even those should float freely because our free floating desires can reveal God's deep desires for us.
• Of all the hopes and imaginings that preceded what is (currently) happening, open yourself to the grace that's being offered through the reality of what is (currently) happening.
• There is grace in the blisters.
• So there is a beauty in vulnerability that can allow us to grow if we will recognize that it's not a failure. (MF)

Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran