Binge Eating & Shame: Why Willpower Isn’t the Problem

In this episode of Dr. Marianne-Land, Dr. Marianne Miller explores one of the most misunderstood experiences in eating disorder recovery: binge eating and shame. She explains why binge eating is not caused by lack of willpower. It develops from deprivation, unmet emotional needs, and internalized shame. You will learn how restriction fuels binge urges, how shame keeps you stuck, and how compassion-based recovery helps you rebuild trust with food and your body. Why Binge Eating Isn’t About Willpower Many people believe binge eating happens because they lack control. In truth, binge eating is a biological and emotional response to restriction. When your body senses scarcity, it does what it was designed to do: it pushes you to eat. Dr. Marianne discusses how diet culture and fear-based food rules create deprivation and shame. The body responds to this deprivation by seeking safety through eating, sometimes in large quantities. The solution is not to control yourself more, but to give your body the consistent nourishment and compassion it needs. How Shame Fuels the Binge Cycle Shame is one of the strongest emotional drivers of binge eating. After a binge, thoughts like “I failed again” or “I’ll start over tomorrow” appear. Those thoughts lead to more restriction, which triggers another binge. Dr. Marianne explains how shame disconnects you from your body and keeps you in a cycle of punishment and control. The shift begins when you replace blame with curiosity. Asking “What does my body need right now?” helps you reconnect to your needs instead of silencing them. The Biology Behind Binge Eating Binge eating is a predictable response to restriction. When your body does not receive enough food, hunger hormones increase, reward pathways in the brain intensify, and cravings become urgent. Binge eating is your body’s attempt to restore balance. Mental restriction has the same effect. When you label foods as bad or forbidden, your body perceives danger and increases urgency around those foods. Regular meals, adequate nutrition, and permission to eat satisfying foods restore body trust and calm the nervous system. Emotional Safety and Recovery Binge eating is often a way to self-soothe when emotions feel too big or overwhelming. If you have been taught that sadness, anger, or fear are unsafe, food may have become your most accessible form of comfort. Dr. Marianne talks about creating emotional safety through self-soothing, sensory grounding, and compassion. When your nervous system feels supported, the intensity of binge urges begins to soften. From Control to Compassion Recovery is not about fighting yourself into change. It begins when you stop using control as protection and start practicing compassion. Dr. Marianne shares ways to replace critical self-talk with kind, curious reflection. Instead of saying “I have no willpower,” try “My body is asking for care.” That language shift helps rewire your nervous system to expect gentleness instead of punishment. Reclaiming Pleasure and Satisfaction Food is meant to be enjoyable, not a test of discipline. When you allow yourself to experience satisfaction without guilt, eating becomes calmer and more connected. Dr. Marianne encourages listeners to practice mindful eating, notice textures and flavors, and reconnect with the sensory experience of food. Pleasure is not indulgence; it is information that helps you understand what your body needs. Content Caution This episode includes open discussion about binge eating and emotional distress related to food and body image. Please listen with care and take breaks as needed. Who This Episode Helps This episode is for anyone who feels stuck in binge-restrict cycles or wants to understand the emotional roots of binge eating. It is also helpful for clinicians supporting clients with binge eating disorder, and for neurodivergent listeners who need a sensory-attuned and trauma-informed approach to recovery. Related Episodes on Binge Eating Binge Eating in Midlife: Why It Starts (or Resurfaces) in Your 30s, 40s, 50s on Apple & Spotify.Binge Eating Urges: Why They Happen & How to Manage Them Without Shame on Apple & Spotify.How to Manage Triggers & Cravings During Recovery From Binge Eating & Bulimia on Apple & Spotify. Join the Binge Eating Recovery Membership If you are ready to heal your relationship with food, Dr. Marianne invites you to join her Binge Eating Recovery Membership at drmariannemiller.com. This membership offers accessible lessons, community support, and practical tools to help you move beyond shame, regulate emotions, and create consistency with food without dieting or control. Inside, you will learn how to rebuild body trust, reduce binge frequency, and practice compassionate recovery at your own pace.