In this episode, we explore why behaviour systems work for many students but not for those who sit outside the middle of the bell curve and what changes when we genuinely listen to a child’s story. We look at how timing, nervous-system regulation, curiosity, and relational repair help us move from confrontation to connection.

We also reflect on the post-COVID social gap, why some young people struggle to engage with traditional approaches, and how simple relational moments greetings, attunement, and authenticity create safety in small but powerful ways.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why some students don’t respond to standard behaviour approaches

• How dysregulation and shutdown affect when (and how) we talk

• “Connection before correction” as a foundation for repair

• A clear structure for restorative conversations

• Using thoughts–feelings–behaviour models to guide reflection

• The role of affirmation versus confrontation

• Practical tools: emotion coaching, comic strips, draw-and-talk, gaming-based dialogue

• How curiosity lowers threat and builds trust

• Why playfulness and authenticity matter in relational moments

Why This Episode Matters

This episode invites us to rethink behaviour support through a relational lens. When we create space for young people to tell their story, conflict becomes a chance to understand, repair, and strengthen trust. Instead of focusing on control or consequences, we focus on connection, timing, and insight, because real change happens when students feel safe, heard, and valued.

When we honour a child’s story, we open the door to growth, for them and for us.

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Me

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradammcartney/
Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.AdamMcCartney

In this episode of Between Two Psychs, we explore one of the most essential aspects of classroom life: Bonding and Attunement.

We look at why relationships come before learning, how children “borrow” our nervous systems, and the practical ways we can help students move from emotional overwhelm into the calm, thinking brain.

Drawing on attachment theory, polyvagal theory, developmental psychology, and real school examples, we break down what bonding and attunement look like in practice and why they matter now more than ever.

What We Cover

1. Why Relationships Matter

• How we, as teachers and adults, often become key attachment figures

• Why secure relationships help children feel safe enough to learn

• Why relational practice is vital in today’s education landscape

2. Brains & Learning

• A clear explanation of polyvagal theory

• How the emotional and thinking brain interact

• What the amygdala, insula, and cingulate do during stress

• Why many children sit in emotional mode longer than we think

3. Attunement Skills

• How to see behaviour as communication

• How to tune into the message behind behaviour

• Why naming emotions builds trust and internal templates

• Why curiosity strengthens connection

4. Building Bonds

• How bonding differs from attunement

• Why we work with “connection before correction”

• How low-demand, shared moments help students trust us

• Why shared experiences strengthen classroom relationships

Key Ideas We Discuss

• Attachment theory

• Polyvagal theory

• Co-regulation & self-regulation

• PACE model

• Transference & counter-transference

• Carl Rogers’ relational principles

• Mirroring, matching & pacing

• Motivational Interviewing (OARS)

Why This Episode Matters

Learning can only happen when children feel safe, calm, connected, and understood.

When we prioritise relationships, we make learning possible.
This episode shows why relational practice isn’t optional, it’s foundational.

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Me
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradammcartney/
Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.AdamMcCartney

In this episode of Between Two Psychs, Adam McCartney and Mike Lane explore one of the most fundamental yet often overlooked aspects of school life: Individual Differences.

From personality traits and identity development to group dynamics, belonging and routine, they unpack how children understand themselves, how they fit into a group, and how teachers shape that journey every single day.

Drawing on psychological frameworks including the Big Five personality model, Self-Determination Theory, Tajfel’s social identity research, Bandura’s social learning theory, Bruner’s narrative identity, and early years work by Rogers and Dan Siegel, Adam and Mike show how inclusion is built in the subtle everyday moments: acceptance, modelling, routine, and relationships.

This episode moves beyond labels or “learning styles” and examines the deeper question behind them:

How do we create classrooms where every child feels seen, valued and able to be themselves without losing the cohesion that helps groups thrive?

Through real school casework, practical examples, and warm reflection, they explore the challenges teachers face in balancing thirty personalities, diverse needs, and a curriculum and the surprising power of shared experiences, role play, collaborative tasks, and even simple rituals to build identity and belonging.In this episode, we discuss:

✨ Why “individual differences” are really about identity, personality, and development
✨ How the Big Five traits show up in everyday classroom behaviours
✨ Why unconditional positive regard helps children feel safe, grounded, and ready to learn
✨ How threat, trust and emotional safety connect to identity formation
✨ What in-group/out-group dynamics look like in real classrooms
✨ How social challenges escalate and how relational approaches reduce conflict
✨ Why modelling is powerful: identity through Bandura’s social learning theory
✨ The role of play, role-play and shared roles (builder/leader/worker) in forming identity
✨ How collaborative and multimodal teaching supports mixed personalities
✨ The impact of narrative: why what children say about themselves matters
✨ Why routine isn’t only about predictability it’s about shared experience
✨ How routine and rhythm build group identity and belonging

Practical strategies for teachers:

• Using group work intentionally
• Restorative conversations
• Circles of Friends
• Guided role play
• Identity-safe classroom routines

This episode invites educators to reflect on:

How do we cultivate classrooms where differences aren’t just accommodated they’re celebrated?
Where every child feels part of something bigger, yet confidently themselves?

Because when children experience belonging, safety, acceptance and clarity, their identity can flourish and so can their learning.

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Me

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradammcartney/
Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.AdamMcCartney