Before I Had Words

My loneliness didn’t start in prison.

It didn’t start with drugs.

It didn’t start with alcohol.

It started when I was three years old.

In this episode, I talk about witnessing my mother being shot — and how that moment quietly programmed my nervous system to believe the world wasn’t safe.

When chaos is your normal, calm feels suspicious.

When intensity feels familiar, you mistake it for connection.

This isn’t about blame.

It’s about truth.

You can love someone and still acknowledge what shaped you.

If you grew up in chaos, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Your body did what it had to do to survive.

But survival is not the same thing as safety.

Healing is teaching your body what safety feels like for the first time