Episodios

  • Healing Ain't Linear

    Healing Ain't Linear
    Jul 13 2025

    🎧 Episode 4: “Healing Ain't Linear”

    Sometimes healing looks like joy. Sometimes it looks like crying in a frozen food aisle over discontinued comfort meals.


    In this episode of Bearly Functional, we spiral with intention, tracing the crooked, confusing path of growth that doesn’t always feel like progress. From being ghosted by someone who once felt sacred to navigating the slow reclaiming of softness, this one’s for anyone who thought they were “past it”... until they weren’t.


    We’re not fixing it today.

    We’re sitting in it.


    Featuring fake ads for Ghost Care™ and Attachment™, a bruised but radiant Storytime about disappearing lovers, a drag-powered Affirmation with Bite (hi Miss Affa Mation), and a very special visit from the one and only people-pleasing disaster: Penelope Deveraux.


    Because healing doesn’t wear a graduation cap.

    Most days? It wears pajamas and clutches a therapy bill.
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    21 m
  • Soft Doesn't Mean Weak

    Soft Doesn't Mean Weak
    Jul 6 2025

    🎧 Episode 3: “Soft Doesn’t Mean Weak”


    What if softness wasn’t a flaw—but a flex? In this episode, we unlearn the lie that tenderness makes us fragile. From drag-worthy clapbacks to whispered affirmations with bite,

    Bearly Functional goes full velvet-and-steel as we explore what it means to feel deeply without apology.


    Derekulous reclaims the nickname “Sissi LaLa,” introduces us to Val Yum (the Self-Sedated Showgirl), and shares a poetic ode to the emotional chaos of misplaced keys. There are fake ads, real feelings, and a reminder that softness doesn’t mean silence—it means you survived and still showed up with love.

    Because sometimes, the strongest thing you can do... is

    stay soft.


    🧃 Tender Lies include:


    ToughenUp™ (The gum that tastes like your dad’s disapproval.)


    Doormatix™ (For when “I’m fine” is your default setting).


    CushionCrush™ (Because embroidered shame matches any decor)


    💌 Plus: Affirmation with Bite with Miss Affamation, Spillin' the Tea with Me & Val Yum, a trip to the Bearly Poetry Corner, and some bloopers that prove softness is a journey.
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    21 m
  • Me, Myself, & Anne Xiety

    Me, Myself, & Anne Xiety
    Jun 29 2025

    🎧 Episode 2: “Me, Myself, & Anne Xiety”

    In this episode, we unmask the glitter-covered chaos of anxiety and finally kick Anne Xiety off the planning committee. From lowercase “k” catastrophes to four-year elevator avoidance, this is your backstage pass to what happens when fear throws a tantrum in your inbox, and your bloodstream.


    💬 Segments include:


    • Setting the Table: When your brain becomes a roundtable of anxious versions of yourself—all with snacks and opinions
    • Storytime: “The Group Chat in My Brain” – feat. missed flights, invisible panic, and the art of spiraling in silence.
    • Affirmation with Bite: A loud, soft reframe for nervous systems in recovery.
    • Spillin’ the Tea (w/ Me): A tense but tender showdown with Anne Xiety herself, who’s vibrating, catastrophizing, and maybe… trying to be helpful?


    If your thoughts are sprinting and your chest forgot how to relax, this one’s for you.


    🎧 Take a breath. Hit play. You’re not a crisis, you’re a system reboot.
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    26 m
  • Too Much, Just Enough

    Too Much, Just Enough
    Jun 22 2025

    🎧 Episode 1: “Too Much, Just Enough”


    ✨ Welcome to Bearly Functional, the podcast that feels like a heart-to-heart at 2am over breakfast you definitely didn’t cook.


    In this debut episode, we unspool the myth of being “too much” and dare to ask: What if your volume was never the problem? From ADHD volume-control fails to exorcism-level sneezes and a chaotic showdown with our inner saboteur Carolyn Sparkles, this episode is a love letter to the parts of you that refuse to shrink.


    💬 Segments include:


    • Setting the Table: Loud, proud, and not here to whisper.
    • Storytime: “The Sound of My Own Damn Voice”•
    • Affirmation with Bite: Say it with your whole damn chest.
    • Spillin’ the Tea (w/ Me): A shady therapy session with Carolyn Sparkles herself.


    If your sparkle makes them squint? Hand ‘em sunglasses, babe.


    🎧 Listen in and turn yourself up. You’re not too much. You’re the main event.
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    23 m