#AutisticAF Out Loud

De: Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
  • Resumen

  • One Voice... Raw. Real. Fiercely Autistic.

    johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com
    Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
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Episodios
  • Living Autistic in Dangerous Times: Trump Labels 1 in 4 Families “Dire Threat”
    Feb 24 2025
    Cold Open (into silence)You love Dune? Like me?Frank Herbert is dead... wrong.Fear is NOT the mind-killer. Denial is.[Music ]IntroYou're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 5. Attacks on neurodivergence, facing our fears, finding our strength. Today we're talking threats, resistance, and the power of a hundred million voices. Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: political violence, eugenics, genocide, institutionalized discrimination, systemic oppression + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice... in my 70s.[Music]You love Dune? Like me?Frank Herbert is dead... wrong.Fear is NOT the mind-killer. Denial is.I must honor my fear.Fear is my guardian. My junkyard dog. My screaming siren.Fear is the warning of annihilation. It must be heeded.I will embrace my fear. Then share its wisdom.I will let it flow through me. Become purpose & strength.And when we have acted? I will remember… its lessons.Where the Beast of Fear once stood, we will now stand.We will abide. Stronger for having feared… then acted… Together.Trust me. I know a lot about fear. I’m autistic. ADHD, too. In my 70s.Living in dangerous times in America. And we got a lot more to fear… than fear itself.[Music]Hey... you know how this works. If this resonates, now might be a good time to like, share… maybe text a link to a friend. Really helps get the word out.Trump administration identifies Autism & ADHD as "dire threats to the American people."Some folks called this headline hyperbole. Click-bait exaggeration. To my face. With hostility. Calling out what they see as “fear-mongering.”One fellow autist on LinkedIn really tore me a new one along those lines. Tried to anyways. I got a bit strong on her ass… So she blocked me. Exercising her denial.But this is how it starts.The White House labeled us a "dire threat." Not as evil actors, but based on our condition… our existence itself. Autism as a "dire threat." Not a difference.Then throwing out a gratuitous observation... “77% of young adults do not qualify for the military based in larger part on their health scores.” (Full Whitehouse.gov post.)As if that is how America now measures the value of our lives. As cannon fodder. As if there aren’t now… and haven’t been throughout history… Neurodivergent warriors.Demonizing all the disabled. All the Different. As if we are the ones destroying America.I'm struggling. I'm terrified...Even knowing that cruel terror is their purpose. Didn't help watching Man in the High Castle lately. The scene where ashes are falling because they're cremating the old and defective...I'm toast.About 1:43 in the YouTube linked in text.{video clip in text}This terror? Not just my personal problem. We neurodivergents ain’t a small marginalized group. The numbers tell a bigger story:* About 30 million Americans have direct family ties to an autistic person* Roughly another 30 million have cousins or close relatives who are autistic* 60 million. That's 1 in 6 Americans with close autistic connectionsBut we're just getting started. Add in ADHD, even accounting for overlap between conditions, the numbers become staggering:* 69 million Americans have immediate family members affected* 75 million have extended family affected* Nearly 1 in 4 American families impactedWithout considering the millions of families affected by other disabilities.All these figures are back of the envelope. Conservative estimates from current prevalence rates. No formal research exists yet on these numbers. But the truth is clear…We're talking 1 in 4 American families?Let that sink in.When do we stop seeing these numbers as statistics? And start seeing the faces of neighbors. Your friends. Your loved ones?When are we ready to stand together?Even if they don't round us all up right away…They’re already killing education programs. For Autism, ADHD, intellectual disability, speech, hearing, vision, physical disabilities…Personally I’m secretly pleased to see torturous ABA-based programs unfunded. Applied Behavioral Analysis forces change on helpless autistic children. Screw that noise.But caring parents across the nation? They want support for their kids. They’re showing up at Town Halls. Getting loud about these recent cuts. Expressing fear and anger. Hurting kids cuts deep. And wide.Worse yet? Over 80% of us autistics are unemployed or underemployed. Think about it. That means killing our Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security, Food Stamps, Housing, etc.That’s institutionalized Economic violence. A soft means of killing us off. And Soft Genocide is the deadliest kind. It goes unnoticed. Unmourned.But, hey, it's not only lost benefits I'm worried about.Underlying many of Trump's policies?Turn over a rock on most? You’ll find the sinister grin of “Eugenics” staring up at you. That debunked, unscientific program to improve human “breeding stock.” By ...
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    16 m
  • Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... 3 Rando Manifestos
    Feb 5 2025
    Cold OpenI was not born to be pitied. I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style.IntroYou’re listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.Season 5, Episode 4. Breaking mirrors, dancing at the edge of noise, raising autistic hell. Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... and 3 Rando Manifestos. Just one autistic elder's truth. I'm Johnny Profane.Content Note: trauma, sexual assault, self-harm, rage, transformative therapy moments + experiences & opinions of one autistic voice… 71.[Music]1953.Manifesto #1I was Born Autistic. Not to be Fixed…I'm autistic. Born 1953.I was not a product of a vaccine.I was not a product of a disease. Mental or physical.I was not a mistake. Genetic or epigenetic.I was not born to be fixed by CBT, pill or chip.I was not born to be pitied.I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style.[Music]The static never stops.Poem #1Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise#AskingAuDHDists…bear with me a minute.I'm autistic+ADHD.71.i feel likea brilliant creative soulas if…trapped in a damaged body& neurologytrying to communicatewith the worldthrough an intermittentlyshort-circuiting transistor radioplaying through static& the distortion& sparking circuits…to just be heard.do you understand at all what I mean?#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ReallyAuDHD[Music]Sometimes? The mask slips…Poem #2AFTER THE SECRETI have strengths.Not one is my superpower.I have challenges.Not one is my kryptonite.I'm that kid in third gradeDrop drop DroppingA mysterious blue crystalInto that test tube—Squealing in delightEvery time it explodes…In purple streams.I love cosplay.But I don’t have to flyWear a maskOr sport a capeTo be autistic.Still…I get to be the heroor bald evil geniusof my own life.[Music]Neurodivergent life… twists different.Manifesto #2My Autistic Life: Mebbe a Little Zelig. Mebbe a Bit Forest Gump. But All Me.Sharing our Neurodivergent stories is powerful.I was born before autism was invented… More or less. 1953.Been a meditation teacher,cult member,magazine publisher,ad agency owner,non-profit activist,3-time grad student3-time husband,homeless,mental health counselor,substance abuse counselor,cult counselor,homeless,fast-food clerk,Pretend Rock Star,homeless…I’ve bantered with Bill Gates.Felt stupid in front of Bill Joy.Touched the Maharishi.Stumbled on Keith HaringJumping turnstiles in the subway…But…I met anonymous geniusesin cubicles,bull penstrailer parks,on the street…This is not my idle boast. This is my earnest promise. Ask the neurodivergent in front of you…Have they got stories to tell you. Genius touches every life. Of every 'type. If you can perceive it.So.I have no credentials to offer. At least none that matters to me... anymore.So I offer my life. My autistic life. Hoping better for our kids.Because if nothing changes…Content Note: Discussion of trauma statistics and sexual assaultOver 80% of them will experience trauma in their life. Interpersonal violence, bullying, sensory trauma, emotional abuse, and systemic discrimination. Nearly three times higher than average. And many autistic individuals experience multiple types of trauma concurrently.Just as I did in the 1950s. Bullying by classmates & teachers. Physical attacks on the playgrounds. Sexual attack in the park. And in the home,Trauma not from neurodivergence. Trauma from how modern society treats the neurodivergent.[Music]That clean, polite, clinical phrase… “trauma?” It has a personal face, a personal moment in every neurodivergent life.This is mine.Session #137. When memory breaks.Poem #3The Body Abides"Like I told youNothing really happenedCan't sleep is all…."He repeats his view,"The body watches.The body ALWAYSFucking watches.""Yeah, he kissed meFathers do that.Yeah, it was weird but…."He whispers me,"Your body, your witness.And this witness ALWAYSFucking watches."Then he leans in…"What if he'd kissedyour sister's lips…?""I'd fucking kill him."That's when…i see mein his mirrorwatching myselfwatch my selftransparently autistica son no more,yet the body…abides.ragedark rageScreaming RAGEi'd fucking kill himfucking kill himkill himHim.i rise…soslowlyand fucking smash that mirrori rock, i sway…i rub one red eye.i stand, I stare…I sigh, I say,"My body watchesThe body ALWAYSFucking watches…,"As I close his office door…I abide.[Music]Decades later. Still raising hell.Manifesto #3Now… About That Autistic Hell We Was Talking about Raising…We ask awkward questions. And find new answers.We see different. Make electrifying connections.We feel patterns. To larger truths.We are passionateWe adapt.Survive.Disrupt.Transform…Raising a fat middle fingerTo normal.Now, that’s the kinda hell… I’m talking about raising.How’s about neurodivergent you?One last thing…be proud.be proud you're autistic.be proud you're alive.despite everything people and nature...life...threw at you...you're still breathing.you’re still breathing…no ...
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    15 m
  • Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun
    Oct 16 2024

    Full podcast with links to available poster artwork: https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/podcast-every-clock-is-a-handgun-2ee

    Sensory-Friendly Discussion & Summary: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio

    Transcript:

    Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun Pointed at My Head

    This spoken word on my autistic experience of time contains triggering topics. If you are sensitive to frank discussion of abuse, I created a sensory-friendly audio summary. Link in description (https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio) Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head THREE Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head Every tick, tick… fucking tick Tolling Fear, Doom… dread Click. Slide. Cock… click. Every night a mantra echoes through my head TV static… a crazy-making hum Singing Dream, Drempt… dead… Not done. Not done. Not done… undone. 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Bound behind doors, bound in my head Pace, paces, pacing… paced Every BEEP. Of the phone. Stops… my heart. . . . I crash out with a scream for escape TWO Woods Deep woods Deepest woods My ears fly from bird song to bird song. A raptor circles then spirals Crossing lines now dead Wind steals my breath Taking words never said This skin bag of atmosphere Breathes new air When the sun rises First it is cool Then it gets warm The day passes Clouds above my head. Shaped by wind Outside my body The same wind Inside my body The same wind Yet… ONE 10, 9, 8… Dread 7, 6, 5… Fear 4, 3, 2… BEEP. Shoot the moon… or the country next door Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead. Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head ZERO



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/subscribe
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    3 m
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I highly recommend Autistic Af

As an autistic elder myself, I find all of Johnny's podcasts to be relatable. He speaks slowly enough to process what he says as he speaks, and has excellent insight of autistic experience

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